


Best That You Can Do

by LoveMeSomeRafael



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Angst & Pining, But his timing's a little off, But it's Mike and he's really a good guy, Chief Dodds is a great wingman, Did I say smut? There's smut., Eventual Fluff, F/M, MIKE'S NOT DEAD, Married Barisi, Mike Dodds Lives, Mike makes a BIG mistake, Mike meets someone on his dad's staff and they're naked a few hours later, Of COURSE Married Barisi, Pining, Slutty Slutty Mike Dodds, Smut, Swearing (because have we met?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22399669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeSomeRafael/pseuds/LoveMeSomeRafael
Summary: When Chief Dodds sees his son, Mike, with his staff member, OC Kaitlyn Myers, he realizes she's perfect for him.  The Chief really likes Kaitlyn, and he knows she's exactly Mike's type.  He's right.  Within hours of meeting in Chief Dodds' office, Mike and Kaitlyn have a wonderful, steamy night together.  Things are looking great until the next morning, when Mike makes a HUGE mistake.But Chief Dodds doesn't know that.  So he goes ahead with his little matchmaking scheme...
Relationships: Mike Dodds/Original Female Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. The Big Mistake

Look, Mike loves his dad, OK? He does. They get along great, even when Mike’s dad is being _extra_. Mike knows he’s lucky to be Chief Dodds’s son, and he is perfectly aware that he’s benefitted from that. He doubts he’d be a Sergeant this young if it wasn’t for that connection. Hell, he’s not above using that connection himself when it suits him. So he good-naturedly puts up with his dad’s embarrassing bragging about him, and he gives his dad’s opinions serious consideration. Because Mike knows his dad absolutely and completely has his back, and only wants good things for him. It’s just… what Dad thinks is good and what Mike thinks is good aren’t always the same thing. 

William knows that. It’s why he’s always tried to listen when Mike says no. But this time, he knows he’s right. Kaitlyn is perfect for Mike. Women are one area in which Mike’s never listened to him – first he was too embarrassed and awkward around girls to do anything when William would point out a girl who had a crush on him, then when he was older, he had his own (incomprehensible) ideas about what he wanted. But this time, William’s not taking no for an answer. He can’t. Because he _knows_ he’s right.

Kaitlyn Myers is a member of Chief Dodds’ staff, an up-and-comer if he ever saw one. She’s the daughter of two cops, sister of three, and granddaughter of two – one on each side. Kaitlyn has the NYPD in her blood, and she’s fiercely protective of anyone who wears a badge. So much so, in fact, that she and Dodds have gone toe-to-toe more than once when she thought he was doing something that put cops at unwarranted risk. But only behind closed doors. Anywhere else, she is unwavering in her support and, whatever he decides, she stops at nothing to make it happen. Her loyalty is unshakable.

All of which makes her indispensable to William Dodds, and it’s been like that for three years now. She’s also a looker – William thinks it’s still OK to call women that – with the lean, athletic build he knows Mike likes.

Mike’s been hearing about Kaitlyn for a long time, but they’d never met until a couple of weeks ago. And when they did, William saw instantly what he really should’ve seen before: they were perfect for each other. So he’s going to do what he should’ve done a long time ago. He’s going to set them up.

***************  
**Two Weeks Earlier:**

Mike’s tired and he’s cranky. He’s really looking forward to getting to Alonso’s, the steak house he and his dad have been going to every other Thursday for years. It’s dimly lit and full of deep green upholstery and dark wood, they have every possible kind of whiskey, and the steaks are huge and perfect. It’s basically a man’s paradise, Mike thinks, and he loves these dinners. He really needs this. It’s been a shit week.

He swings in the door and greets Eleanor, Chief Dodds’ secretary, who beams at him as if he’s her own son. He points toward the office door in mute question.  
“He’s in a meeting, but he said to go on in,” she says. Eleanor is about a million years old, but Mike loves her because a.) she takes great care of his dad, and b.) when it comes to a choice – and it has – she’s on Mike’s side one hundred percent of the time. He thinks she might have a crush on him, and he knows he has one on her. 

Mike opens the door, knocking as he does, and is confronted by the best ass he’s seen in a year. At least. There’s a brunette in a pencil skirt standing on Mike’s side of his dad’s desk, leaning over to show the Chief something and giving Mike a spectacular view. She stands as he enters, and he sees that she’s pretty, with big, brown eyes and lush, pink lips that immediately spark his imagination. 

“Mike! Come in, Son,” William says gaily, standing up with a smile like he’s pleasantly surprised. Which is weird, considering they planned to meet here, now, and Eleanor said he was waiting for him. 

“You’ve met Kaitlyn, haven’t you?” William asks.

Mike reflexively holds out a hand. When she smiles at him, he can _feel it_. Her hair is in some kind of updo, but it’s late in the day and some of it is escaping in a way that feeds the dirty turn his imagination’s already taken. _This_ is the Kaitlyn his dad’s been going on and on about? Somehow he’d imagined her… differently. 

“No, we haven’t met,” Kaitlyn says, smiling and looking into his eyes, her voice lower and sexier than he’d expected. “But I feel like we have. He talks nonstop about you.”

Mike notices how small her hand feels in his as they shake. “Then we’re even,” he says, smiling in a way he hopes isn’t as much of a leer as he fears it is. “When he’s with me, he talks nonstop about _you_.”

He doesn’t want to let go of her hand, and damn if it doesn’t seem like maybe she holds on a shade longer than necessary, too. 

“Listen, Son, I have to call the Mayor. Can you give me ten minutes? Kait, you can keep him company, can’t you? Give him a drink of that Dalmore we’re not supposed to have in the office.” 

His dad actually _winks_ when he says that. Dork. But Mike only has a second to notice that, because his dad tosses Kaitlyn a small key from his desk drawer and then she’s motioning him out the door. Mike follows her ass across the lobby to a small conference room, completely oblivious to Eleanor’s smirk at how obvious he is about it. 

In the conference room, Kaitlyn uses the little key to open a highly polished walnut cabinet and takes out a half-empty bottle of scotch, setting it on the oval table that takes up most of the room. Picking up two glasses from a shelf in the cabinet, she sets them next to the bottle. “Why don’t you pour?” 

“Sure,” Mike shrugs, hoping he looks nonchalant. “None for Dad?” 

“Dad doesn’t need one. Dad’s talking to the Mayor. That’s his drug of choice.” 

Mike feels a very pleasant flutter down low in his stomach at the mischievous look on her face, and the way she smiles at him. He means to pour only a finger for each of them, but he’s suddenly a little clumsy. He hands her one of the glasses and he’s almost certain she purposely touches his fingers more than necessary as he does. 

“ _L’chaim _,” he says, lifting his glass up briefly.__

____

____

“ _L’chaim_ ,” Kaitlyn responds, mirroring his action. 

Mike knows how much Dalmore costs, which is why he’s never had it before. It’s fucking fantastic. 

“Holy shit,” he breathes, before he has a chance to think better of it. 

“I know, right?” Kaitlyn’s eyes sparkle. “This is only the second time I’ve had this. I’m actually surprised he’s letting us be alone with the bottle.” 

She moves to sit in one of the chairs, and he takes the one next to her. He can feel the scotch warming his insides as he takes another sip. He’s probably imagining it, but already he thinks he can feel the cares of the week receding. He’s not imagining that his leg is touching Kaitlyn’s, and neither of them are moving away. 

“So you’re Mike. You look like him. I’m sitting here putting a face to all the exploits he’s told me about. You were Special Forces, right?” 

“A million years ago,” he says. “And you’re a lawyer.” 

“Don’t hold it against me. I’m nice. I promise.” 

Well, shit. Now he’s starting to get hard. Just like that. “I believe you,” he says, surprised at the gravelly sound of his own voice. 

She smiles and they take another sip. She is absolutely flirting. She hasn’t looked away from his eyes since they sat down. 

“He didn’t tell me you were beautiful.” Mike’s shocked that he said that out loud, but not even a little bit sorry, because her reaction is absolutely worth it. 

“He did tell me _you_ were,” she says, and she’s basically purring. “But I already knew that. He has pictures of you in his office.” 

Mike gives a little embarrassed huff at that, but he leans toward her and puts an elbow on the table. “What’s he like to work for?” 

“He’s… ambitious. Hardworking. Wants to do the right thing, but also wants to be _seen_ to do the right thing, which isn’t always easy.” She shrugs. “Mostly he gets it right.” 

“You like him.” 

“I do. I don’t always agree with him, but I believe in him. He’s taught me a lot.” 

Another short silence as they sip. _Damn, this is good stuff_ , Mike thinks. 

“What’s it like to be his son?” 

Mike laughs a little at that, sitting back and stretching out his legs, which happens to have the effect of putting more of him in contact with more of her. “Depends on the day.” He shrugs in obvious imitation of her. “Mostly he gets it right.” 

They share a warm, delighted smile at that, and Kaitlyn’s frankly approving look causes Mike’s brain to short-circuit a little. Just enough that he says, “I see why he likes you.” 

____She just smiles softly at him. Damn, he thinks. His cock is fully awake now, and he’s going to have to watch it or it’s going to be noticeable when he has to walk out of here._ _ _ _

____They finish their drinks just as they hear the Chief call Mike’s name from his office._ _ _ _

“Time to go,” Mike says regretfully, and stands. “Thanks for the drink.” He hesitates just a second. “I’d like to do it again, when we have more time. Maybe without Dad.” He barely restrains his urge to wink. 

“I’d like that,” Kaitlyn answers, a frank promise in her eyes. Suddenly, she reaches to the center of the table and picks up a small pad of sticky notes and a pen. She quickly scribbles on the pad, tears off the top note, and holds it out. He can see she’s written her phone number on it. 

“Text me your number. I’ll text you my address. Come by after your dinner.” She leans in as she hands it to him. “Maybe without Dad.” She does wink. 

_Holy fuck_. Mike knows that if she looks, she’s going to be able to see the effect that has on him. 

He texts Kaitlyn in the cab on the way to the restaurant and, true to her word, she texts her address. “See you soon,” she says, and Mike reacts as though she’d written something explicit. Mike enjoys his dinner with his dad as much as he’d expected, but he’s a little preoccupied. When his dad says he has to get home, Mike feels a little guilty for being relieved. 

____Kaitlyn’s apartment is in an old building which was once a tenement, before the neighborhood was gentrified. He likes it. It’s clear the apartments are tiny, but it’s a solid building, and they’ve done a nice job keeping the old-fashioned features while getting rid of the squalor. When he knocks on her door, he wonders what she’ll be wearing. His imagination, which is getting quite a workout tonight, conjures up all kinds of possibilities._ _ _ _

____She looks spectacular. Mike thinks his mouth might even be hanging open a little. She’s wearing some kind of silky, pink lounging pants and a simple, white cotton top. She’s barefoot, which shouldn’t be as sexy as it is. Her hair’s no longer in its prim work style; now it’s down, and it’s softly curly and even darker than it had looked earlier. She smiles happily – and a little playfully, he thinks – and steps back to let him in. Her apartment’s a railroad flat with the living room just inside the door, but she stays in the hall and asks if she can take his coat. All he’s wearing is his suit coat – it’s September, after all – but he likes the idea of taking it off, so he does. She hangs it on one of several hooks on the wall behind the door, and that’s the end of the pleasantries._ _ _ _

He reaches for her at the same time she reaches for him. She giggles just a little as she puts her arms around his neck, melting into him as he wraps one arm around her waist and one across her back with his hand at her neck. She also kisses him back as enthusiastically as he’s kissing her. It’s _insanely_ hot to be in her apartment with her in his arms when they’ve said only a handful of sentences to one another. For some reason, though, he’s also smiling as he kisses her. He doesn’t know what that’s about, but she’s loosening his tie so he forgets to think about it. 

When she starts on the buttons of his shirt, he stops trying to hold his lower body away from her so she won’t feel how hard he is already. Hell, he was half hard when he knocked on her door. But now that he knows they’re on the same page, he uses the arm that’s around her waist to pull her hips to his. She doesn’t bother unbuttoning his shirt all the way down, only far enough so that she can pull it off over his head. When she does, he reaches down and gets a hold of her so he can lift her up. She immediately wraps her legs around him and mumbles, “Second door,” around his tongue. 

____When he’s laid her on the bed and kicked off his shoes, he lays down and shifts around until he’s next to her with one arm under her neck and the other across her waist. “You know what I do for a living.”_ _ _ _

____She looks slightly confused, with an adorable little wrinkle between her eyebrows. “Yeah…?”_ _ _ _

____“Got kind of a thing about consent these days. Hazard of the job.” He kisses her and she puts her arms around him, but he holds back to whisper, “I need to be sure this is what you want.”_ _ _ _

____She actually throws her head back and laughs. “Holy shit, Mike, I don’t know how to consent any harder.”_ _ _ _

____Now he laughs, too. “I thought so, but…”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” Kaitlyn says, making an obvious effort to be more serious. She looks into his eyes. In the gloom of her bedroom, lit only by whatever lights are on in the living room, her eyes look huge. How could he have thought she was just pretty earlier? She’s fucking gorgeous. “You’re right. I appreciate you looking out for me. And I want to look out for you, too.” She runs her fingers through his hair once, then leaves them there. “I want you. I want this.”_ _ _ _

____“I do, too.”_ _ _ _

____“I want to take off the rest of your clothes. And I want you to take mine off, too.”_ _ _ _

____He realizes she’s teasing him a little, but her expression and the way she’s breathing tell him there’s more than that going on. “And then I want to touch you all over, and I want to kiss you everywhere. After that, I want you to fuck me. Slow, and for a long time. How’s that for consent?”_ _ _ _

____Mike clears his throat, not entirely confident he’s capable of speech any longer. “That’s some pretty fucking good consenting right there.”_ _ _ _

____“Thanks.” She starts to work on his belt._ _ _ _

____“There’s some consenting I’d like to do, too.”_ _ _ _

____“Tell me.” She stops with his belt half-unbuckled. He has her full attention._ _ _ _

____“After I get you naked, I want to run my hands all over your body, and then I want to taste you. I want to lick you open, and fuck you with my tongue. I want to listen to the sounds you’ll make, and then I want to watch you come.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, shit. I consent,” Kaitlyn gasps. “Where do I sign?”_ _ _ _

____“We’ll take care of the paperwork later,” Mike chuckles, and takes control of Kaitlyn’s mouth._ _ _ _

____She tastes like fresh toothpaste, like she’s just brushed her teeth, and he thinks she might have done it when he texted that he was five minutes away. Something about the idea of her brushing her teeth in preparation for kissing him is sexy as all hell. He wonders if she worried about her outfit like women tend to do. If she did, she got it absolutely right. Mostly because it’s really easy to take off. And although she is technically wearing a bra, it’s a lacy slip of nothing and he can see her nipples through it. The thought of her choosing to wear that for him makes him have to stop rubbing against her for a minute so he doesn’t come within the first ten minutes of being in her apartment._ _ _ _

She’s trying to get his pants off, but he’s chuckling as he blocks her, trying to get her clothes off first. She’s laughing and being a very good sport about it, which he likes. A lot. And once he gets her naked, and sees her body in the half-light, he pulls her close and kisses her deeply for a long time, because _holy flyin’ balls of shit_. He’s gonna need to keep his pants on for a bit longer because, once again, he’s in danger of coming too soon. 

Not to be denied, she slips her hand inside his open fly – she’s gotten that far – and starts to stroke him. Her slight gasp when she feels his cock is _really_ flattering. He grits his teeth to try to maintain some control as he enjoys the living hell out of what she’s doing with her hand. She’s multitasking, too, because although he’s completely unable to keep focusing on kissing, there’s something magical about the crazy-slow way she’s moving her lips against his, and that thing she’s doing with her tongue… 

____“Kaitlyn…”_ _ _ _

____“Everything OK?” She stops everything she’s doing, but doesn’t move away._ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” he pants. “I just… you’re…” He scrunches up his face and gives a couple laughs. “I need a minute to, um, gather my thoughts.”_ _ _ _

____She smiles sweetly and takes her hand away, but stays right where she is, with her lips so close to his he can feel her breath and smell her toothpaste. “Thanks?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah. Definitely a compliment.”_ _ _ _

____Kaitlyn lifts up on her elbow and rests her head on her hand, pushing slightly at Mike so he gets the idea she wants him to roll onto his back. He does, and she starts to stroke his arms and chest, her face clearly showing that she’s impressed._ _ _ _

“Mike…” She breathes. “You are… I mean, are you _real_? Are you _kidding me_ with this body of yours?” 

____He wears a pleased grin over the next several minutes as she uses her hands and her mouth to appreciate his chest, shoulders, arms, and then rolls onto him and begins with breathy kisses on his neck. He groans and uses his hands on her hips to move her against him._ _ _ _

____“You ready for me to take these pants off you?”_ _ _ _

____“Hell, yes…”_ _ _ _

____She wastes no time getting him the rest of the way naked, then crawls sinuously up his body, pushing his legs apart as she moves between them._ _ _ _

____“Oh, no,” Mike says, sitting up enough to put his huge hands on her upper arms and slide her up his body. “I didn’t consent to that.”_ _ _ _

____“What?” Kaitlyn’s obviously stunned._ _ _ _

Although she’s several inches shorter than Mike and he’s twice her size, Kaitlyn’s not small. Still, he has no trouble flipping them over until he’s suddenly on top of her, kissing her with a carnal laugh. “I’m the one who said _I_ wanted to taste _you_.” 

____Kaitlyn, relieved, relaxes again and kisses him back. “Shit…” she gasps as he uses his legs to move hers apart._ _ _ _

____She’s not touching his dick anymore, which helps, but she is making noises so erotic he thinks he still might come too soon. And when he kisses his way down to her breasts and starts nuzzling a nipple, she puts her arms over her head, abandoning herself to him, which is so damn hot he’s pretty sure he’s whimpering. He can’t be sure, though, because he’s way too focused on her._ _ _ _

____He loses track of time while he’s stroking and licking her breasts, teasing her nipples with his fingertips and his tongue until they’re as hard as his cock and she’s doing her own whimpering. But it must have been quite a while, because he realizes she’s rocking her pelvis against him in a way that’s starting to feel demanding. Being the gentleman he is, Mike doesn’t keep his lady waiting. He kisses down her abdomen until he’s scooted down low enough to hook her thighs over his shoulders and nestle between them._ _ _ _

____She’s dripping wet and moving against his mouth as soon as he begins to explore her. “Aww, Kaitlyn, you taste so fucking good…” he murmurs between strokes with his tongue. She’s moaning and he can hear how hard she’s breathing between short, whispered exclamations. Which only intensifies as he begins to thrust his tongue into her, using a couple of fingers to softly, slowly spread some of her slick onto her puckered hole._ _ _ _

“Mike… Mike… _now_ … I wanna come-“ 

Remember the part about how Mike’s a gentleman? He uses two fingers of his other hand to replace his tongue, and begins to circle the hard nub of her clit, paying attention to her to let him know how much pressure she likes. He doesn’t need to worry about that, though, because she rubs against him, controlling the pressure herself. He slides his fingers in and out, adding one in her other hole as he feels and hears her start to come apart. He’d guessed that she’d be loud, and he’d been right. Her cries, curses and filth interspersed with his name, and gasps of pleasure are even better than he’d hoped. 

____When she’s been reduced to a quivering, whining mess, he feels her pull at his shoulders, and he’s more than ready to oblige. He’s a little relieved he’s managed to hold off this long, but he knows when he gets inside her, he’s not going to last. He quickly moves up to take her in his arms._ _ _ _

____“I gotta get-“ he gasps between kisses._ _ _ _

____Kaitlyn reaches out an arm toward the bedside table at her left, but she can’t quite reach. “Top drawer,” she whispers shakily._ _ _ _

____Mike’s arms are much longer, and he has no trouble reaching the drawer and taking out the fresh pack of condoms. “My kind of girl,” he chuckles deeply as he goes back to kissing her while he fumbles the box open._ _ _ _

____“I stopped at the store on my way home,” Kaitlyn says between kisses._ _ _ _

____“You just assumed I was this easy?”_ _ _ _

____“I hoped,” she giggles._ _ _ _

____He has to take a little time entering her, even as wet as she is._ _ _ _

“ _Unh_ …” she grunts happily, using her heels against his back to adjust their positions so she can take all of him. 

____“You OK?”_ _ _ _

“I will be. Oh, I _will_ be…” 

Once he’s inside her and starts moving, she decides he’s not close enough to coming on the first stroke and starts talking dirty to him, as if she _knows_ how much he loves that. 

“Oh, you should come with a fucking warning label… Shit, Mike… Oh, my- Fuck! Mike, your cock is… magnificent… _Yes_! You feel so fucking good…” 

____And, with that, she starts to come again, and he’s gone. He’s pretty sure they can hear him shouting three blocks away as he comes as hard as he ever has in his life. Later, when his neurons begin firing again, he’s going to be a little embarrassed at how quickly he comes, but then, she started it. It may not have taken any time to get there, but Mike’s orgasm feels like it lasts forever. When it’s over, he rolls them over a little so that he’s not crushing Kaitlyn, but that’s the best he can do for a minute. As soon as he catches his breath a little, he deals with the condom in a little trash can he noticed next to her bed, and then he’s done. He pulls her into his arms with a luxurious sigh and goes into a hormone- and endorphin-addled trance._ _ _ _

Kaitlyn’s not quite so languid, although she came twice. She squirms around a little bit, until she’s facing him with one of his legs between hers. He feels her stroking a hand over his shoulder and upper arm, and cracks an eye open to look at her. She grins at him. “Doze if you want. I’ll just be over here fondling you, because _damn_. You can’t expect me to just ignore guns like these.” 

____Mike chuckles quietly and murmurs, “Fondle away.”_ _ _ _

____He actually sleeps for a little bit. When he wakes up, he’s blissfully surprised to find that Kaitlyn’s real, and she’s naked in his arms, and she’s smiling lazily at him. He can’t help but smile back, although he can only imagine what a mess he is right now. Kaitlyn, however, looks freshly fucked in the best possible way, her hair a little wild, her lips a little puffy from kissing, and her eyes heavy-lidded with sleepy satisfaction._ _ _ _

____“You’re beautiful,” Mike murmurs, hearing the words before he’s had a chance to even process the thought._ _ _ _

____“Right back atcha.”_ _ _ _

____“You want me to go?”_ _ _ _

____“I want you to stay. Will you?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah. I’d like that a lot.”_ _ _ _

____It’s the next morning that it happens. Mike’s phone starts ringing at a ridiculous hour, especially considering that he and Kaitlyn woke each other up twice to make love again. The phone is somewhere on the floor, in the pocket of Mike’s pants, and neither of them want to move from the warm, comfortable knot they’re in. But it keeps ringing. As soon as it stops, it starts again._ _ _ _

____“That trouble?” Kaitlyn asks, her voice a cute, scratchy groan._ _ _ _

____“Could be. I’m trying to remember how to move.”_ _ _ _

____“Sorry. Can’t help you.”_ _ _ _

____“You’re going to need to get off of me.”_ _ _ _

____“Not gonna happen.”_ _ _ _

____Mike’s quiet laugh is regretful as he lifts Kaitlyn and sets her softly down next to him, then scoots to the edge of the bed. He stands up, looking around for a moment before he sees his pants. He slides the phone out of the pocket as it starts ringing again, and swears surprisingly viciously when he sees the name on the screen. He swipes down to decline the call and tosses the phone onto the deep reading chair in one corner of Kaitlyn’s bedroom. He reaches down for his pants and sighs as he puts them on, then picks up his phone again._ _ _ _

____“Everything OK?” Kaitlyn’s eyes are all the way open now._ _ _ _

____“Yeah. But I’m afraid I gotta go.”_ _ _ _

____“Who was that?”_ _ _ _

____“My-“ Mike bites back the word he was about to say._ _ _ _

____“Your…?”_ _ _ _

____“Nothing.” Mike goes to the side of the bed and sits down next to Kaitlyn, putting an arm across her and grinning sheepishly down at her. “I had a really, really good time.”_ _ _ _

____“Me, too,” Kaitlyn smiles. “And just think. We haven’t even known each other twenty-four hours.”_ _ _ _

____“Just over twelve, actually,” Mike grins again and scratches his head. “I’m so ashamed.”_ _ _ _

____“Me, too. When can I see you again?”_ _ _ _

____“Another twelve hours?”_ _ _ _

____Kaitlyn’s about to enthusiastically agree, but Mike’s phone rings again. He’s holding it in his hand, and he can tell the moment Kaitlyn sees the screen. It’s a picture of Mike and a cute woman with short, reddish-blonde hair, and they’re kissing while looking at the camera. The name Susan is written in large letters across the top of the screen. Mike feels Kaitlyn freeze. He swipes his thumb down the screen, but not nearly quickly enough._ _ _ _

____She doesn’t say anything. Just looks at him. But he can see the dawning hurt and anger in her eyes._ _ _ _

____“Sorry about that.”_ _ _ _

____Kaitlyn’s voice is unemotional. Way too unemotional. “When I asked who it was, you said ‘my’, but you didn’t finish. I’m guessing the next word was going to be ‘girlfriend’?”_ _ _ _

____“It’s… complicated,” he sputters, sounding lame as fuck, even to himself._ _ _ _

____“Not to me. Let yourself out, would you? I’ve got time for another hour of sleep.”_ _ _ _

____She rolls away from him and pulls the covers up around her neck._ _ _ _

____“Kaitlyn-“_ _ _ _

____“Bye, Mike. Nice to meet you.”_ _ _ _

For a minute, he thinks about trying to explain. But he really can’t. _Fucking Susan_. He really should have had the balls to just end it. Well, he’s sure as shit going to end it now. Not that it will make any difference to Kaitlyn, who he’s sure is lying there thinking all kinds of nasty, shitty, _true_ things about him. 

____“I’m sorry,” he mutters as he stands up to look for his shoes and the rest of his clothes._ _ _ _

____He feels like absolute crap as he lets himself out of Kaitlyn’s apartment._ _ _ _


	2. The Surprise

Mike Dodds. _Mike fucking Dodds._ Kaitlyn can’t get him out of her mind. She has to give it to the Chief; his kid is everything he said he was. He’s also a cheating piece of shit. Kaitlyn hates everything about what happened that night. She hates that she was so blown away by him the second they met, she hates that she came on like a thirsty ho, she hates that every moment they spent together had been electric, and she hates that it all ended because his damned _girlfriend_ called while he was still in her bed. But more than all of that, she hates that she absolutely cannot stop thinking about him.

It’s been three days now, and she can still feel the way he kissed. Still gets aftershocks thinking about his body and the way he made her feel. It’s not helping that she works with his father, whom he looks an awful lot like, and who has about a hundred pictures of him all over his office. The Chief actually jokingly asked her if she was avoiding him, because she _has been_ avoiding his office, and all those damn pictures. But she’s got a job to do, and she’s old enough to be able to get over a mistaken one-night stand. She needs to pull it together. 

The Chief had asked her about him the next morning, and she’d almost jumped out of her skin. 

“How’d you like Mike?” He’d asked. 

“ _What_?” She’d practically shrieked. 

“I didn’t realize you two hadn’t met before. But now that you have, you seemed to hit it off. What did you think? Did I lie?” 

“No, Sir, you didn’t lie. Here are the talking points for our meeting-“ 

“What, you didn’t like him?” 

“No, I thought he was nice. Tall. So, talking points?” 

He’d given her a look then. Chief Dodds isn’t stupid. “You don’t like him.” 

“Sir, you’re freaking me out a little here. What is it I’m supposed to say?” OK, maybe that was a little snippier than she’d meant to be. But _damn_. 

“Oh, I don’t know, I just thought you looked like you hit it off. You’re both important to me. I’d like it if you got along.” 

“We did, Sir. We mostly complained about you. There might have even been a little mocking.” 

“All right, all right.” 

“Well, you asked. Repeatedly.” 

“You’re right. I did. So, you did like him?” 

“Yes, Sir, I can honestly say I liked him. Now can we please get to work? This meeting is going to be delicate.” 

“OK, Boss.” The Chief had given Kaitlyn that smile that means he’s pleased with her. She’d felt a flash of irrational annoyance. Why the fuck did he have to be so obsessed with his perfect son, who is actually a sleazy creep? 

Now, sitting at her desk staring uselessly out the window, Kaitlyn wonders what the Chief would say if he knew she’d fucked his perfect son’s brains out a few hours after they met because he conveniently forgot to mention he had a fucking girlfriend. Ugh. Her phone rings. It’s Eleanor. 

“You have a visitor.” 

Kaitlyn blinks. “I don’t have an appointment this morning.” 

“She says she’s a friend.” 

“Oh. OK. I’ll be right out.” 

The woman in the outer office is pretty, and her outfit looks expensive. Her reddish-blonde hair is shoulder-length and shiny. But Kaitlyn’s never seen her before in her life. 

“I… uh…” She says as she crosses the outer office to where the woman is standing glancing out the window. 

“Are you Kaitlyn?” The woman asks, a note of superiority in her voice. She’s speaking too quietly for Eleanor to hear. 

“Yes. And you are…?” 

“My name is Susan Eisenberg,” she hisses. “I’m Mike Dodds’s girlfriend. And you aren’t. So I would ask you to please stay the hell away from him.” 

Kaitlyn feels a cold brick form in her gut. _What the actual fuck_. “That won’t be a problem.” 

For a moment, the women just look at one another, Susan giving Kaitlyn the once-over with a barely-controlled sneer, Kaitlyn resisting the urge to punch her in the nose on general principle. 

“Is there anything else?” Kaitlyn asks, trying hard for a neutral tone. 

“Don’t make me tell you again.” 

Susan turns to leave, but at that moment, Chief Dodds returns to the office from his breakfast meeting. He’s obviously surprised to see Susan here, and Kaitlyn doesn’t think it looks like a good surprise. _Hmmm. Interesting._

“Susan! What are you doing here?” He asks, missing a beat before his pleasant politician’s mask takes over his features. 

It doesn’t even occur to Kaitlyn to go back to her office. It’s like watching a reality show. Although Kaitlyn doesn’t notice, Eleanor’s glued to the scene, too. 

Susan steps up and hugs the Chief, who does _not_ look like that’s something he welcomes. 

“Hi, Will. I just stopped by to tell Kaitlyn something. I’m in a hurry, though, so I need to get going. It’s lovely to see you, though. ‘Bye!” Susan glides gracefully but quickly out the door. 

The Chief looks at Kaitlyn with raised eyebrows. “You know Susan? I didn’t know that.” 

Kaitlyn has to resort to the cheesy tactic of faking a cough to give herself a second to think. She has absolutely no idea what to say. But she knows Eleanor didn’t hear the conversation and her generous nature takes over. She covers for Mike, the scumbag. “I don’t, actually. She’s, um, a friend of a friend. She just came in to give me a message. Never met her before.” 

The Chief looks relieved. “Oh. She used to date Mike, you know.” 

Kaitlyn can’t help it. It comes out before she can stop it. “Used to?” 

“I don’t think it was very serious. I’m glad, actually. She’s a little spoiled. Not somebody I’d want for him.” 

“Did it… end recently? She seemed happy to see you.” 

“Oh, that’s kind of what she’s like. Presumptuous, if you ask me. Anyway,” he says vaguely, and heads back toward his office. 

Kaitlyn realizes he hasn’t answered her question, but she can’t really ask again. 

That afternoon, Kaitlyn is supposed to be polishing a speech the Chief has to give that night. Instead, she’s thinking about Mike Dodds’s abs. Again. She hears her phone ping softly to let her know she has a text. 

**Mike Dodds:**  
Dad says Susan came to see you today. I can imagine why. I’m SO sorry. Please let me explain. I swear it’s not as bad as it looks. 

Kaitlyn sighs at the surge of adrenaline she feels when she sees it’s from him. But fool me once… She texts him back. 

**Kaitlyn Myers:**  
Don’t care. Your problem. 

She hates that she’s disappointed he doesn’t try to text her back. 

Part of Kaitlyn’s job is to staff the Chief when he’s at events, like the banquet where he’s giving a speech tonight. She’d really like to be able to just go home, but she puts on the black dress she brought for the event. It’s not a formal event, but it is an evening banquet, so her work suit isn’t really appropriate. She does like her dress, though. It’s fairly simple, which is appropriate for her background role here, but it has off-the-shoulder three-quarter sleeves and a heart-shaped neckline she really likes, plus the skirt is puffy and short, which makes her legs look great. Bare, as it turns out, but great. 

She’s not in the mood for nylons any more than she is for the banquet itself, and she swears a blue streak when she puts two fingernails through trying to get them on, making a huge hole that immediately becomes a three-inch run in the fabric. She doesn’t have a backup pair. Great. One more wonderful aspect of this glorious day. She angrily tosses the brand-new nylons in the trash and gets out some lotion to rub on her legs. It’s going to have to do. 

When she’s dressed, she leaves her office to see if the Chief’s ready yet. He’s already waiting in the outer office, looking amused. 

__

“You all right? I thought I heard some colorful language in there.” 

“Nylons. ‘Nuff said.” 

“I’m starting to think I should add a line item in the budget for hosiery for you. You don’t have very good luck with those things.” 

“Tell you what. Stop making me go to these blasted events and you’ll save the Department a lot of money.” 

“Not on your life. I rely on you for about ten thousand things. You know that. Anyway, tonight you’ll be glad you came with me.” Chief Dodds opens the door to the hallway for Kaitlyn and they head for the elevator. 

“Why’s that?” 

“I have a surprise for you.” 

“I’ve worked for you for over three years, Sir. You know I hate surprises.” 

“You’ll like this one.” 

“That’s what you said about that Estonian restaurant. Remember?” 

“Will you ever let me forget? Anyway, this is a sure thing. You’ll see.” 

“Sir-“ 

“Shut up and enjoy your surprise. That’s an order.” 

“You’re not paying me enough,” she grouses. 

The banquet is a snooze, as most of them are. The best that can be said for it is that the Chief’s speech goes well and there are, in fact, no surprises. Kaitlyn’s a little confused by that, but relieved. As the evening winds down, she begins to see the telltale signs that the Chief is, at last, ready to leave. _Thank God_. She can’t wait to take a long, hot shower and collapse into bed. 

Except that, when they leave the hotel’s banquet room, the Chief leads her into the bar instead of out the door. “Come on. It’s time for your surprise.” 

“The surprise I don’t want? That surprise?” 

“The surprise I ordered you to like,” he smiles. His eyes are twinkling alarmingly. “C’mon. I’ll buy you a drink.” 

Kaitlyn doesn’t want to stay, but she does want a stiff drink, so she agrees. Plus, she can’t help but be a little curious about what kind of surprise he could be planning to give her in a bar. 

And, as if this day couldn’t get any longer or more exhausting, the Chief leads her to a booth where his supposedly perfect but actually really fucking flawed son is sitting expectantly. It is unequivocally _not_ a good surprise. In fact, it takes every ounce of energy Kaitlyn has not to turn around and stomp out, or scream any of the angry, bitter things that go rocketing through her mind. She tries to sit next to the Chief on his side of the booth, but he insists she sit with Mike. Of course he does. _Oh, fuck_ , she realizes, _he’s matchmaking. Kill me now_. She doesn’t know what the hell Mike’s doing, but she really, really should have known this is what the Chief was up to. 

A waiter comes immediately to the booth and asks what they’d like to drink. Kaitlyn orders a double Dewar’s, because Mike looks like a fucking snack. He’s still wearing his work clothes. He also looks really anxious. _Good. You should be, you snake. I could out you to your father anytime I want_. She knows she won’t, but he doesn’t. 

“So, surprise,” the Chief says. “Mike agreed to join us for a drink.” 

“I was kind of hoping it was a raise,” Kaitlyn says, and the Chief laughs as if it’s funny. Mike smiles dutifully, but he doesn’t laugh. He hears her message loud and clear. 

“How’d the speech go?” Mike asks his dad, and for a minute the Chief goes on about the evening, and the crowd’s reaction. 

It gives Kaitlyn a second to think, and what she thinks is that she’s been had. The Chief’s just a romantic sap with a soft spot for his son, which is why he’s trying to set them up. She doesn’t appreciate the blindside, and she thinks he should know her better than to think she would. But she gets it. Mike, though, gets no similar consideration. Mike has deliberately tricked her. Again. He’s trying to force her to listen to whatever sorry-ass explanation he has for cheating on his girlfriend, as though Kaitlyn gives a rat’s ass _why_. Cheating, for her, is an absolute, permanent dealbreaker. Nothing he could possibly say will make the slightest bit of difference. 

“Kait, you’re not saying anything. Why don’t you tell Mike the story of how you got Channel Four to kill the hatchet-job piece they were going to run on the Millar case?” 

“Mike doesn’t want to hear that story.” 

“Of course I do. What happened?” 

The look Kaitlyn gives Mike is, she hopes, enough to freeze his blood. “Nothing. They called me for a quote, and I happened to know the woman who called. Simple as that.” 

“Oh, it was nowhere near as simple as that, and you know it.” The Chief thinks she’s being bashful. God bless him, he’s a brilliant politician, but he’s got a total blind spot when it comes to his son. It would never occur to him that Kaitlyn is refusing to play because she loathes him. So the Chief tells the story, in charming, humorous detail that is far more flattering to Kaitlyn than the real facts deserve. Mike’s making all the appropriate noises, but he keeps trying to catch Kaitlyn’s eye and she keeps resolutely refusing even to look at him. Meanwhile, the Chief goes on with the conversation he’s having, while the silent argument simmers between Mike and Kaitlyn. 

It goes on like that, until they’ve finished their drinks and the Chief pays the bill. “Keep a tab open,” he tells the waiter. “Bring them each another drink, and whatever else they want, just put it all on that card.” 

“No, Chief, it’s late. I really need to get home. Besides, you’re my ride-“ 

“Nonsense. Mike will get you home. You two stay here, get to know each other. On me.” 

He says goodnight with a self-satisfied smile, fully confident in each of them to charm the other. Kaitlyn wants to scream. Still, she just doesn’t have it in her to tell her boss that his beloved son is a bottom-feeder, so she doesn’t push it. She’ll just wait until he leaves, then tell Mike to leave her the fuck alone, and get a cab home. She does, however, get up and switch sides of the booth. It’s been entirely too pleasant to feel Mike’s warmth along her side while she’s been sitting next to him. 

“Don’t do that again,” she growls to Mike when the Chief’s gone. 

“I’m sorry. I know I put you in an awkward position, but I need to explain.” Mike looks adorably earnest, the asshole. 

“That may be what you need. What I need is for you to understand that I do not want to see you. Or talk to you. Your girlfriend has to deal with your cheating. I don’t.” 

The waiter arrives with their fresh drinks, so they have to be quiet for a moment. Kaitlyn can see that Mike’s dying to say whatever it is he has to say, and he starts in immediately as soon as the waiter takes the first step from the table. 

“She’s not my girlfriend-“ 

“Stop. I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, you’re scuzz. There is nothing you can say to me that will change that. I get that your dad wants us to be friends, and he’s important to both of us, so I’ll be polite to you when I have to. But don’t kid yourself. I am not, nor will I ever be, interested in you, or any explanations you might think you have for sleeping with me when you have a girlfriend.” 

“She’s _not_ my girlfriend!” 

“Well, she thinks she is, and that means you gave her reason to. I don’t care.” Kaitlyn tosses off half her drink and starts to slide out of the booth. 

Mike puts a hand out and lays it on her arm. She hates that the feeling of him touching her derails her completely and she stops moving. 

“At least finish your drink. Let me get you home safely. If you don’t want to hear it, I’ll respect that.” 

Kaitlyn has no control over the way she scoots back to her seated position and picks up her drink, taking another fairly healthy swallow. She’s scowling at the table as she fights not to hear her mind saying that she’s playing with fire. 

“Can I at least apologize for you having to deal with Susan coming to your office? That, at least, won’t be happening again.” 

Kaitlyn shrugs. “She’s got spunk. I like her.” 

“She’s psychotic.” 

“Don’t care. If you must speak, let’s talk about something else. Tell me about the time you got shot in the arm.” 

“Yeah,” he grins, and Kaitlyn’s guts twist in a way that would be pleasant if he wasn’t a troll. “Makes sense you’d want to hear about me getting shot right about now.” 

So he tells her the story while they finish their drinks. She can see he’s nursing his to prolong this, but she’s going to leave the second hers is gone, so it doesn’t matter. It’s a very interesting story, and pretty soon he’s telling her the whole, long saga of Greg Yates. She’s drawn in despite herself. She’s only reminded that she hates Mike when the waiter returns to ask if they’d like another drink. 

“No, thank you, I’m leaving,” Kaitlyn announces. Mike gets up, too. 

“I’ll take you home.” 

“I can get a cab.” 

“Don’t do yourself a disservice just to spite me. My car’s right here, you’ll get home faster, and it won’t cost you anything.” 

That makes sense, actually. She’s a tired and she’s fairly buzzed. What the hell. 

“Fine,” she sighs. 

In the confines of the car, she realizes just how damn good he smells. She doesn’t know if he’s wearing cologne, but there’s some kind of scent there, on top of the delicious smell of his skin, which is giving her a body memory that’s not helping the situation. They’re silent on the short drive to her apartment building. Miraculously, there’s a car just pulling out from a space right in front. Mike pulls in. 

“Kaitlyn, I wish you’d let me talk to you about this.” 

She sighs and opens the door. Stepping onto the sidewalk, she thanks him brusquely for the ride and closes it again. She’s a tangle of feelings as she fumbles in her purse for her keys. She finds them quickly enough, and opens the heavy front door, but not before he’s standing just behind her. 

“Mike, what the hell?” She moans tiredly, noticing in the back of her mind that she keeps going into the foyer and up the stairs. 

He doesn’t answer, just follows her. She lets him. 

As soon as the door to her apartment is open, his arms are around her and she’s turning toward him. They tear at clothes, shedding the bare minimum because, when Mike tries to move them toward her bedroom, she growls into his mouth, “Fuck you. You’re not getting back in my bed.” 

He groans at that, which she thinks might be a combination of lust and disappointment, but she loses that train of thought because, since she’s already torn off her panties, he turns them and moves into her until her back is against the wall of the little hallway through her apartment. There’s moaning and panting, but no talking. Mike tries once to say something, but Kaitlyn cuts him off. 

“Just shut up and fuck me.” With that, she pulls his mouth back to hers, pushes his pants and briefs down around his knees, and wraps a leg around his waist. 

He picks her up easily, moving their hips so that he’s lined up, and shoves his huge cock into her. She’s not complaining. In fact, she’s pulling him into her with her arms and legs, and she’s gasping with what is obviously pleasure. 

“Fuck…” Mike hisses, beginning a hard, fast rhythm. She’s pinned between him and the wall, which means he’s in control. She wonders where his “thing” about consent went, although she’s making it very obvious that this is what she wants. 

“Dammit… Mike… you… shit…” she pants, in rhythm with his thrusting. 

“Fuck, Kaitlyn…” 

“I’m… throwing you… out… soon as I… come…” 

She can feel his deep chuckle through the shirt he’s still wearing. 

It doesn’t take long. She feels a deep, pulling, tingling begin and lays her head back against the wall, concentrating on rubbing her engorged clit against his pubic bone with every stroke. Later, she’ll regret the fact that she begins to cry his name, and keeps it up as she crests the wave of her orgasm and feels him speed his thrusts as his shouts join hers. 

They stay like that, him leaning against her with his hands under her thighs, her with her back against the wall and her head thrown back, clinging to him with all her limbs, as they try to catch their breath. It’s minutes later when he finally lets her down. 

She huffs in annoyance as she smooths her dress back down her body to try to regain a little of her dignity. “Go home,” she says as she picks up her panties and shoes, and begins to walk down the hall to her bedroom. 

She hears him chuckle as he’s re-doing his pants, which irritates her further and she turns around. She notices then that he was wearing his coat and tie through that entire event. But what really pisses her off is that he’s grinning at her smugly. 

“You like me,” he drawls. 

“I like sex,” she retorts. “Get over yourself.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

She turns back around and goes into her bedroom. She’s reaching back to unzip her dress when she hears him let himself out. Muttering to herself as she pads down the hall to engage the locks, she doesn’t realize she’s wearing a big, involuntary smile that’s entirely inconsistent with the things she’s telling herself she thinks about Mike Dodds. 


	3. Disclosures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike Dodds learns why OC Kaitlyn Myers won't listen to him explain that he is not the creep she thinks he is. (But before that, we learn that there's a lock on Kaitlyn's office door.) Mike doesn't know what to think, so he seeks advice from his best friend, Sonny Carisi, and Sonny's new husband, Rafael Barba.  
> And then the squad gets overwhelmed by the investigation of a corrections officer who is apparently raping inmates.

Carisi is smiling indulgently. He thinks Dodds’s women problems are adorable. Of course, Carisi’s a newlywed, and he thinks the whole world is a lovely garden of joy tinged pink with happiness. Which is weird, Mike thinks, since he married the crankiest, snarkiest man Mike’s ever known. No accounting for tastes. Still, it’s a good thing, because Barba’s apparently happy, too; he’s been about a tenth of a percent nicer since they got engaged.

“You don’t understand, man. If you saw her, you’d be volunteering to shoot Susan to get her out of the way. I’m tellin’ you, Kaitlyn’s _that_ great.”

“Then get after it,” Carisi tells him. “She can’t hate you _that_ much, after last night.”

“She does, though. That was… scotch, and hormones. And she threw my ass out the second it was over.”

“I like her style,” Rollins comments, smiling.

Mike slumps back in his chair. “You assholes are not helping. I need advice here.”

“ _I_ need work here,” Olivia Benson interrupts from the door of her office. “And can I remind you what it is this unit _does_? This wouldn’t be an appropriate workplace conversation anywhere, but it’s especially inappropriate here. Focus.”

“Sorry, Lieutenant,” Mike mumbles, and they all move to go back to work.

“You ever think of writing her a letter? Sending her an email? She may even delete it, but she’ll eventually go get it out of sheer curiosity. Nobody can resist something like that.”

“Rafa!” Olivia scolds, giving him an exasperated look.

Barba just shrugs a little and smirks. “I don’t work for you. Anyway, that’s it for my advice. I’m out.” He leans over and kisses Sonny quickly and chastely before he strides out of the squad room. “Love you,” he whispers.

It may be quick, but nobody misses the look that passes between them. The squad is still trying to get used to the idea of Rafael Barba in love. Carisi, sure. That’s easy. But Barba, that one’s a little… out there.

Mike turns Barba’s idea over in his head. It’s not bad, actually. He gives a mental shake of his head at the strangeness of getting romantic advice from Barba, but then Mike saw him at their wedding, and Carisi’s said some things. Barba’s actually a tender-hearted, sappy romantic. Not a side of him Mike (or anyone but Sonny) will ever get to see, but it’s there. 

Mike looks like he’s working, but what he actually does for the rest of the afternoon is compose an email to Kaitlyn. He desperately wants her to know what happened, and that he’s not what she thinks. At least, he’s not _quite_ what she thinks. 

Carisi flat out refuses to edit Mike’s email before he sends it, saying that it had to be his own, unvarnished words. Rollins has no such scruples, and shreds the first version. Finally, when he sends it, Mike thinks the message pretty much lays the facts out without throwing anyone but himself under the bus. He’s never had such trouble getting himself to hit “send” as he does with this email. But he does it.

_Dear Kaitlyn,_

_I hope you’ll read this. You deserve to know that I did not disrespect you the way you think I did. You were right. It was my fault Susan kind of thought she was still my girlfriend. But she_ wasn’t. _I broke up with her before I met you. I just didn’t act as much like it as I should have. That was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’ve apologized to her, too._

_We met and we dated (casually!) for a couple months. Except that, toward the end, she started getting possessive. At that point, I told her it wasn’t gonna work, and I broke it off. But she kept in communication about as much as we had when we were dating. I didn’t shut her down, because as far as I was concerned, we were through. But we could be friends. I didn’t see any point in being rude._

_And yeah, we went out a couple of times together after that, but for me it was just as friends. I did NOT sleep with her after we broke up. But I admit that sent mixed signals at best._

_That’s it. It’s just that Susan’s from an old money family with a “summer cottage” in the Hamptons you could fit my station house into, and she’s used to getting what she wants. So when I told her honestly why I didn’t answer my phone that morning, she lost it and showed up at your office._

_I talked to her about that, and told her not to contact either one of us again. She’s spoiled and pushy, but she’s normal. She won’t bother us anymore._

_I’M SORRY. I really want to see you again. I think you know how much. Please give me a chance._

_Mike_

Mike’s disappointed Kaitlyn doesn’t write back. It’s been a week. So much for Barba’s “irresistible curiosity” theory. Anyway, Mike’s been working pretty much round the clock, so he hasn’t had time to think about Kaitlyn as much as he otherwise would. He’s forcibly reminded of her, however, when his dad walks into the squad room. 

“Hey, stranger,” he greets Mike, slapping him on the shoulder in greeting. Mike’s just tired and discouraged enough that his dad’s approving smile feels nice.

“Hi, Dad. Sorry, we’ve been crazy around here.”

“No, I know. I’m not busting your chops, I just missed you. We still on for Alonso’s tonight?”

“Yeah. Been lookin’ forward to it.”

“Excellent! Say, what would you think about inviting Kaitlyn to join us?”

Mike thinks fast. “What? No! Alonso’s, that’s _our_ thing. You and me.”

“No girls allowed, is that it?” Chief Dodds’s amused smile makes Mike feel inexplicably guilty.

“I like it being just the two of us.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll see you at seven.”

“See you then.”

The Chief moves into Lieutenant Benson’s office to do whatever he’s here for.

The dark, heavy, masculine atmosphere of Alonso’s feels soothing on Mike’s frayed nerves. They’re going to have to work through the weekend, so Liv’s given the squad the next day off, and Mike plans to take the opportunity to enjoy some of Alonso’s nice whiskey selection. He orders a round for himself and his dad while he waits. Chief Dodds comes in not much later, immaculate as always, while Mike feels like a street urchin out of a Dickens novel. He really is tired. 

The drinks arrive about the same time Mike’s dad does, and they know the menu by heart, so they order and then sit back, sipping a nice single-malt Mike splurged on. 

“This is nice,” William comments. Then he squints a little at Mike. “You look beat, Son. You should get some rest.”

“I will. I’m off tomorrow, so I’m gonna have several of these,” he indicates his glass, “and sleep until Saturday.”

They discuss the cases SVU’s working for a little while, and the undercover work Fin is doing right now. When dinner comes, William orders red wine, but Mike asks for another whiskey – a little less upscale one this time. As always, their steaks are superb, and they enjoy their meal with very little commentary for a while. Inevitably, as they get full, they slow down and conversation starts back up.

“So, Mike, I’ve been meaning to ask you about Kaitlyn.”

“What about her? You see her every day.”

“Yes, but I can’t very well ask her. How did things go after I left last week? Have you two gone out since then?”

Mike chews thoughtfully, because he’s made a decision he didn’t even know he was considering. He comes clean.

“Dad, listen. I think you can forget about me and Kaitlyn dating. We’re probably not even going to be friends. She really doesn’t like me.”

“What are you talking about? She does, too, she told me so.”

“Well, of course she did, Dad, you’re her boss. What’s she supposed to say, ‘He’s a weasel’?” 

“Why would she say that?”

“Because I sort of am. I fucked up, Dad.”

“What happened?” The disapproving sigh Mike’s spent a lifetime avoiding hits him hard in his current depleted state. 

“I… We… did spend some time together. And you were absolutely right about her. She’s terrific. But then, when we were together, Susan called, and Kaitlyn thought I had a girlfriend.”

“Well, just tell her she was mistaken! Seems simple enough.”

“Really.” Mike fixes his father with a flat stare. “Dealing with a jealous woman seems simple to you?”

William raises the last of the wine in his glass. “ _Touché_.”

“Yeah. She said I must’ve done something to make Susan think she was still my girlfriend, and the thing is, she’s right. I broke up with Susan, but she just kept calling and texting and I just kept responding. We even went out a couple times. Just as friends-” he adds quickly, seeing the look on William’s face. “No touching, no nothing. But, I mean, that doesn’t seem very broken up, now, does it?”

“What a load of hogwash! Susan doesn’t get to unilaterally decide you’re her boyfriend, no matter how much money her old man’s got.”

“But I acted like we were still a thing, sort of, and I’m not going to blame her for being confused.”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Mike. I think you’re being a little overgenerous here. Does Kaitlyn know all the facts?”

“No. She said she doesn’t want to hear it, and believe me, I tried to explain. I even sent her a long email – Barba’s idea – telling her what happened. Nothing.”

“Well, first of all, you know you’re in trouble when you’re taking dating advice from Rafael Barba.”

“Yeah? He’s happily married. You and me, we’re sleepin’ alone tonight.”

William ignores that. “And second, I know Kaitlyn. She understands shades of gray.”

“Not this, she doesn’t. So, like I said. Cross her and me off the list.”

The waiter returns to take their plates, and they order another glass of the expensive whiskey they began with. William’s thoughtful, which Mike doesn’t like.

“Dad, please let this go. I really like Kaitlyn. I’d prefer she not think I’m a pathetic loser in addition to a cheating bastard. Just let me cut my losses here.”

“All right, Son,” William Dodds lies.

Eleanor’s pleasantly surprised to see Mike Dodds come through the door. She hadn’t been expecting him, but his father is in his office and not in a meeting, so his timing is good. 

“Well, hello, Mike. He’s here, but let me just see if it’s OK to send you back.”

“He’s expecting me. He said he needs to talk about something.”

Eleanor smiles as she says into her phone, “Mike is here. Can I send him back?”

A confused look flickers across her face. “Oh, all right. I’ll let her know.”

Eleanor hangs up and, with a smile that’s a little off-center, says, “He needs to make an important call, but he says Kaitlyn can help you with what he needs.” She glances down at a panel next to her phone. I can see she’s not on the phone, why don’t you just go on in?”

Mike could give Eleanor a few answers to that question, but he’s a bit off-balance now. “What’s he want, did he say?”

“He says Kaitlyn knows. It’s about a staffing issue.”

Mike refrains from rolling his eyes as he turns toward the short hallway where Kaitlyn’s office is. When he gets to the door, he sees that she’s wearing reading glasses that make her look like every naughty secretary fantasy he’s ever had, and her hair’s up in a haphazard bun held in place by a ball-point pen. Her forehead is scrunched and her eyebrows close together as she scowls at whatever is on her computer screen. She looks so good, he just stands there for a few seconds, watching her, before he knocks a few times on the doorframe.

She looks up, taking her glasses off at the same time. Mike’s a little disappointed. 

“Apparently, my dad wants me to see you about some staffing issue? I was supposed to meet with him, but he’s tied up and said you knew what it was. Eleanor told me to just come back.”

Kaitlyn misses a couple of beats before she says, “Come on in. Close the door, please. It’s not confidential or anything, we just have a rule because noise carries in this hallway.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Have a seat.” 

Mike is happy to see her put her glasses back on, and watches her click around on her computer for a minute. 

“All right. Here it is. Come around and take a look at this.”

Mike goes around Kaitlyn’s desk and stands next to her while she shows him some graphs and explains the problem. It’s minor, and it could easily have been handled on the phone. In fact, it’s a problem they’ve had before, and it _was_ handled on the phone. Which tells Mike instantly that his father’s at it again. _Gotta hand it to him_ , Mike thinks. _If nothing else, he’s one hell of a wingman_. 

Mike decides to go for it. He’s got nothing to lose, after all, and those glasses are killing him. He leans down and puts a hand on Kaitlyn’s desk, pretending to be taking a close look at the graphs. _Holy shit, her hair smells fantastic_. He sees her stiffen up. _Good_. He wants to get to her.

He’s shameless about brushing his cheek against her hair, and positioning his lips so that, when he talks, his breath tickles her ear. He knows it’s working, too, because pretty soon he sees tiny glints of sweat at her hairline, and he’s so close he could swear she’s trembling ever so slightly. He tells her what he’s going to do about the problem, and she enters the numbers, which correct the graph. She sits back slightly – problem solved – but he doesn’t move, and she makes no move to get further away from him. 

Instead, she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Given how out of sync they are right now, it’s shocking to him how well he understands what she’s feeling. He goes down to one knee, which puts his face pretty much on a level with hers, and turns her chair. He’s glad to see she’s not wearing a pencil skirt today, because he pulls her forward and situates himself between her knees. And she doesn’t protest.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Mike says, pulling the pen out of her hair so it falls over her shoulders. He slides both hands across her cheeks, burying his fingers in her hair and pulling her lips to his. He keeps waiting for her to object, but she is very definitely kissing him back. In fact, she’s the one who invades his mouth with her tongue, and slides her hips forward on the chair to get closer to him.

“You’re a scumbag,” she gasps against his lips as he pulls her blouse free of the waistband of her slacks. “Lock the door.”

Mike wants to give a lascivious laugh at that, but he doesn’t dare. He just does as he’s told and, when he comes back to her desk, she’s standing next to it, breathing deeply and looking flushed. His arms go immediately back around her and he’s kissing her again.

Her slacks have some kind of hook that is too complicated for Mike, who’s entirely too horny to try to figure it out and would tear them off if they weren’t in her office in the middle of a workday. As soon as he makes a frustrated sound, she takes over and gets them unhooked and unzipped without hesitation. Instead of reaching inside, though, Mike changes tactics and slides his hands up her back to unhook her bra. He can feel her smothering moans as he fills his hands with her breasts, teasing her nipples with his thumbs and rubbing his erection against her, pinning her to the edge of her desk. 

“Fuck, Mike,” she whispers hotly.

“I’m crazy about you,” he murmurs against her neck, where he’s trying to kiss her without leaving telltale marks. “Tell me you read my email.”

He keeps playing with her breasts as he slides a palm down her abdomen and under the waistband of her lacy panties. She gives an involuntary gasp as he slides one long finger inside her. 

“Tell me.”

“I… didn’t. ‘Course I didn’t. I hate you.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” he chuckles against the sensitive place just under her left ear and slides another finger inside her. She can say what she wants, but her panties are soaked. She’s moving against his fingers now, wantonly rubbing her clit against his hand. She bites into his shoulder to keep quiet while she unhooks his belt and unbuttons his pants.

“You don’t hate me,” Mike whispers. “You like me. And I like you.” They’re struggling against one another now, as she tries to get his pants off but he’s blocking her access with his forearm, because his hand is still inside her slacks. Now he’s scissoring his fingers, and she suddenly gives up. She takes her arms from where they’d been tightly wrapped around him, roughly pulls her own pants down, then puts her hands on the desk and pushes herself up so she’s sitting on the edge. From there, it’s easy for her to use her legs and feet to push his pants down. She pushes his hand away with no resistance from him and he takes the step toward her and touches his cock to her, but doesn’t push in.

She whines and tries to pull him into her.

“Say it,” he growls. “Tell me you don’t hate me. Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

“Fine. You bastard… I don’t hate you, OK? Now fuck me. I need your cock inside me… I need… Mike…”

That’s plenty good enough for him, and he buries his cock in her. He’s holding her upper body up with just the upper part of her ass in contact with her desk, her legs wrapped around him as he plunges into her again and again. They’re both trying their damnedest to be quiet, but Mike’s half out of his mind with how good Kaitlyn feels, surrounding his dick with her wet, tight heat.

She starts to come much too soon, and the way she says his name tips him over the edge with her. Mike’s a little relieved, in a way, because there’s been a very high likelihood of them getting caught. The door might be locked, but they’d have to explain that, and if Kaitlyn’s any indication, one look at them is all it’ll take to see they’ve been fucking. Besides, he’s not sure they’re not already busted, because they weren’t entirely able to muffle their cries just now. 

They dress in silence, helping each other straighten and smooth their clothes so there’s at least a chance they’re not entirely obvious. 

“There,” Kaitlyn says, running her hands down Mike’s torso. 

He takes her hands in his and steps closer to her, looking down into her face. “Kaitlyn, talk to me.”

She looks like she’s wrestling with herself. He desperately hopes she is. “Please,” he adds.

She turns away from him and goes to stand by the window behind her desk. 

“Read my email. At least do that,” Mike says when a whole minute’s gone by and she hasn’t responded.

Still, she says nothing. He goes to her, not touching her, but standing so close he can feel her body heat. “Isn’t there _anything_ I can do to get you to give me a chance? Because I’m trying here. And you gotta know this whole meeting, this was my dad. Had to be. So he’s trying, too.”

Her voice is very small as she sighs, “I’m sure you’re right.”

Having gotten a few syllables out of her, he doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the fragile possibilities in this moment. He doesn’t move to touch her. He doesn’t even breathe. It works. She turns toward him, and he’s surprised to see tears in her eyes.

“Kaity…” He doesn’t know where the affectionate nickname comes from, but he’s never been able to stand women’s tears. He stands there, waiting for some sign as to what he’s supposed to do. He’ll hold her while she cries if that’s what she wants, but he’s not sure it is. She’s just looking at him, with a sad expression on her face.

“I can’t, Mike. I won’t. It’s that simple. I’m sorry. I really do like you, but… no.”

“Tell me why.”

“Does it matter?”

“Fuck, yeah, it matters! You and me, we…”

“Yes? We what?”

“We could _have_ something!”

“Yeah. We could. And then you could fuck some other woman and blow my life apart. Thanks, but no thanks.”

“That’s completely unfair! That is not who I am.”

“Susan would beg to differ.”

“Kaitlyn, would you please read my email or let me explain? It’s _not_ like that! She was not my girlfriend, and she knew that, she just-“

“Trusted you. Believed what you let her believe. Which is why she called you, worried about you because you weren’t answering your phone-“

“You _did_ read my email.”

“Fine. I read it. It says you cheated on a woman who trusted you. End of story.”

“So what about you and me? What about this?” He indicates the place on the desk where her bare ass was very recently parked. 

“Yeah,” she says softly. “I guess there’s not much I can say about that. I’m attracted to you. _Very_ attracted, apparently, since that’s twice now I’ve…” She looks over at him with a completely different expression for a moment. “And what happened to consent and condoms, by the way?” Then, as though that had been some kind of commercial break, her face returns to the sad expression and her voice drops again. “Anyway. We’re adults and we had sex. And it was great. I don’t hate you. I’m just not going to date you.”

Mike doesn’t know what to say to that. Until he does. He tries to inject as much compassion into his voice as he can. “What happened? Who was it?”

“What difference does it make?”

“I don’t know. But I’m not much good a quitting. So…”

Kaitlyn folds her arms over her chest and leans against the windowsill. Mike hates the acid that suddenly drips from her words. “My father. Not that it makes one bit of difference. The man is a fucking gold medalist in chasing women. The entire NYPD knows, because he’s completely open about it. It’s disgusting. I haven’t spoken to him since the day I turned eighteen and could get out of the house. He’s destroyed my mother, but she will not leave him. It’s like she’s _addicted_ to him. I’ve been watching this fucking freak show my whole life, and if you think I’m going to live it, think again.”

Mike ping-pongs between anger and sympathy. Anger because she’s comparing him to such a rotten motherfucker, and sympathy because he suddenly completely understands her reaction to his call from Susan. Unfortunately, he feels anger win. 

Mike speaks slowly, through gritted teeth. “I am not him.”

“And I’m not her,” Kaitlyn spits back. “So now you know. We’re done here.”

Mike steps over to her and stands as close as possible to her without touching her. He looks deeply into her eyes. “We are not done. I’m leaving right now, but I’m not giving up. Not the way I feel about you. I told you, I suck at quitting.” 

He unlocks the door and leaves it open behind him. 

Mike’s learning about scotch. He likes it in general, and he’s learning about different blends and tastes. Which is what they mostly talk about when he’s sitting in Sonny and Rafael’s living room that night. He and Carisi have been close pretty much since he’d come to SVU, back before Sonny and Rafael had disclosed their relationship. Out of friendship for Carisi, he’d learned to like Barba, and vice versa. 

But he didn’t come to talk about scotch. He came to talk to Carisi, who’s been his best friend for a while now, about the mess he finds himself in with Kaitlyn. And if Carisi’s husband can help, too, so much the better. 

Because the thing is, Mike’s pissed. He did a little research, and Kaitlyn’s father is a lowlife who’s been on foot patrol his whole career because he’s not just a womanizer, he’s an all-around waste of DNA. Mike wonders how a guy like that raised a woman like Kaitlyn. Carisi thinks Kaitlyn just watched what he did and did the complete opposite, which seems as reasonable as any other explanation. Mike’s trying not to be as insulted as he is that Kaitlyn can think he’s in any way like her father, but he’s struggling.

Barba used to know Kaitlyn’s mom, it turns out, when he was just starting out in the Brooklyn DA’s office and she was a beat cop like her husband. He tries to be kind with his description, but it’s clear she was never going to set the world on fire. She retired from the force when she got pregnant the first time, and stayed pregnant pretty much constantly for years, which is why Kaitlyn’s one of seven kids. As far as Mike can tell, Kaitlyn’s brothers, who work for NYPD, are OK guys. He doesn’t know anything about her sisters.

“You realize you got it bad for this girl, right?” Carisi asks gently, but with a bit of a grin.

“Believe me, I know,” Mike groans. “I wish I didn’t.” 

“Ready for some Glenmorangie?” Barba holds up a bottle.

Mike nods, and Rafael explains a little about the differences between that and the Glenlivet they just had. Mike knows most of it, but he thinks it’s cute to watch Carisi pay rapt attention like Barba’s reciting fucking poetry. He’d like to be in love like that. Instead, he has to have a thing for a woman who’s wrapped in barbed wire and thinks he’s a creep.

They don’t come up with any brilliant insights that night, but at least Mike feels better. Could be all the scotch, but whatever.

Just after that night, Mike again gets wrapped up in work, pretty much to the exclusion of all else. There’s a corrections officer who’s apparently raping inmates. It’s a messy, extremely politically explosive situation, and it takes over the squad for quite a while. He’s glad for the distraction, really, because he keeps trying to get Kaitlyn to talk to him, and she keeps refusing. He’s explained the situation to his father, who’s offered to help, but Mike is adamantly opposed to that. Besides which, it’s a weird situation employment-wise, with Mike’s dad being Kaitlyn’s boss, and they both agree it’s best for the Chief to stay out of it. 

And then Mike’s taken hostage by the corrections officer, Gary Munson. The news that Mike’s been shot rips through the NYPD like lightning. And the news of Mike’s death hits the department like a nuclear bomb.

P.S. TRUST ME. HOW CAN THERE BE MORE CHAPTERS IF MIKE’S DEAD?


	4. While Mike Was Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chief Dodds is devastated by the death of his son, and he takes it out on OC Kaitlyn Myers, who rejected Mike just before he died. Six months later, the Chief comes to the Siberia to which he's condemned her to get her back. She's been back for five months now, and the Chief has some news for her. But first, he tells her to drink half a glass of wine, because she's gonna need it.

William Dodds is destroyed by the death of his son. His devastation is so comlete that he finds himself leaning on Ingrid, of all people. When he picks her and Matthew up from the airport, he immediately clings to her as if his very sanity depends on it. As Mike’s mother, she alone has any hope of even approaching an understanding of the depth of William’s pain. She ends up sitting him down to one side of the baggage claim area and holding him while he completely dissolves in her arms. She motions for Matthew to get their bags, seeing Matthew’s embarrassment and knowing that William wouldn’t want to be this undone in front of their other son. Their only son, now.

The funeral is the single most agonizing moment of William Dodds’s life. He tries not to feel. He tries to simply shut himself down so that he can hold it together in front of the gathered brass and officers, but it costs him dearly. He ages ten years in the span of one unimaginably painful day. When it’s over, he goes home, gets as drunk as humanly possible, and sleeps for two days straight.

************

Kaitlyn is alone with her pain. She and Eleanor can share their sadness, but only Kaitlyn knows what she’s lost. What she’s thrown away. She has no right to grieve, but tell that to her heart. The only thing worse than her grief is her aching, crushing guilt. She could have made his last days happy. Instead, she’d… She can’t even get close to thinking about that yet. 

She goes to his funeral. Of course she does; she’s Mike’s father’s right-hand man, and she’s expected to support the Chief in his time of loss. What she can’t do is acknowledge that it’s her loss, too. To anyone. Because she doesn’t deserve to. The sea of uniforms, the somber beauty of the honors done a fallen officer, would have hurt her soul anyway. But standing there, pretending to be a casual acquaintance, reeling with emotions she can’t begin to understand, she feels as though she’s polluting the ceremony. She feels as though she killed Mike herself.

Afterward, she feels duty bound to say some word of comfort to Mike’s squad and his Lieutenant. She’d rather be tossed naked into a live volcano, but she does it anyway. For Mike.

“Lieutenant Benson, I’m Kaitlyn Myers, from Chief Dodds’s staff-“

“Of course. We’ve met. I remember.”

“I just wanted to give you my condolences. I’m very sorry for your loss. And your squad’s.”

“Thank you. It’s a loss for the whole Department. He’s irreplaceable.” Olivia Benson isn’t crying, but she isn’t _not_ crying, either. Kaitlyn is glad for Mike that he has good people, who treated him well, to shed honest tears for him.

“Yes, he is. He’s fortunate to have a Lieutenant who recognizes his worth.”

Lieutenant Benson swallows hard and nods.

“Kaitlyn, I don’t know if you remember me, I’m Sonny Carisi,” says the officer next to Benson, reaching out a hand for Kaitlyn to shake and pulling her a bit to the side. 

“I remember,” she says. Carisi’s not a man you forget. “Mike talked about you. You were close. I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks.” Sonny leans down a little and steps forward so that he can speak too quietly for anyone else to hear. “We talked about you, too. He really liked you.”

Kaitlyn feels gut-punched. She can’t know it, but she looks gut-punched, too, which makes Sonny immediately regret saying anything.

“I didn’t make that very easy,” she whispers. She’s biting the inside of her mouth to keep from crying.

Sonny pulls her further away from the knot of people around the squad. “C’mon. You can’t blame yourself for that. He, uh, told us what happened. What the problem was.”

“The whole squad?” Kaitlyn squeaks.

“No, no, just me and my husband. In confidence. He was just lookin’ for some advice how to make things work with you.”

“Shit…” Kaitlyn wipes tears, and Sonny hands her a tissue. His kindness makes her cry harder.

“Listen to me. If you’re beating yourself up because you think you made him unhappy just before… Don’t. You couldn’t know. And you need what you need. Besides, he might have been miserable, but he wasn’t unhappy. If you know what I mean. We all enjoy a little romantic challenge.”

Carisi’s slight grin, and the muted glint in his eye, make Kaitlyn think his husband is a very lucky man. She also thinks he’s about the nicest guy she’s ever met for saying these things, untrue as they are. 

“Thank you, Detective.”

“Sonny.”

“Sonny.” 

“Coming with us to the wake? I’ll buy you a drink.”

“No. Thank you, but I don’t feel like I even belong here. I certainly don’t belong there.”

“The hell you don’t. Come.”

Kaitlyn shakes her head sadly. “I can’t. But thank you. Thank you for everything. And again, I’m truly sorry you lost a friend.”

“So did you. Don’t think I don’t know that.” 

There’s a wet spot from Kaitlyn’s tears on Sonny’s lapel after he hugs her. Not a perfunctory hug, either. He gives her a tight, full-contact, several second hug that says more than his words ever could that he doesn’t blame her for the things she did to Mike. _No wonder Mike was close to this guy._

She turns to go, and finds herself face to face with a good-looking, dark-haired man standing right behind her. She stammers an apology and moves to go around him.

“This is Kaitlyn, Rafael. Make her come to the wake.” 

As Kaitlyn turns to look at Sonny, he nods to her and steps back into the impromptu receiving line that’s formed around the SVU squad. She turns back to the man he’s just called Rafael. “I, uh…”

“The squad is riding together in a limo. I’ll take you in my car,” he says. He has a bedroom voice and there’s a deep kindness in his eyes. Something clicks and Kaitlyn realizes this must be ADA Rafael Barba, Sonny Carisi’s husband.

“Thank you, that’s very kind, but I really can’t.”

Kaitlyn starts to mumble some garbled nonsense about having to get going, but it slows down and sputters out as Rafael simply looks at her with a vaguely amused smirk. 

“What?” She finally asks.

“Ms. Myers, Detective Carisi just asked me to bring you to the wake. Which means you’re coming if I have to put you in the trunk.” 

Kaitlyn blinks for a few seconds. She can’t help but smile a little at that. “His wish is your command?”

“Something like that.”

**************

Chief Dodds wakes up on the morning of the third day after his son’s funeral, puts on his suit, and goes to work. He tells himself that, although he’s broken now, he still has to do the job. People are depending on him. 

It’s his anger that gets him moving. Somewhere in the fog of the last two days, he’s cried himself out. Not that he won’t still cry over losing Mike – he will – but he’s sobbed out the first, overflowing shocked sadness. Now comes the long, draining melancholy. But another emotion has bloomed inside him as he slept. Rage. He’s mad at the entire world. He hates that they’re all just getting on with things, as if the gaping hole Mike’s left in the world doesn’t make everything else completely fucking useless and meaningless.

When he gets to the office, the first thing he sees is the pity on Eleanor’s face. He practically snarls at her to knock it the hell off. 

“We’re not gonna be sitting around here like it’s a morgue. We still have a job to do. Pull yourself together.”

She actually physically flinches, and the only thing he feels is a tiny twinge of satisfaction. He wants to hurt people. He wants to break things and howl in anguish and tear the planet apart. And when he gets to his office and sees Kaitlyn there, doing some damn pointless thing with files full of worthless bullshit, he sees red. Look at her, fucking bustling around like he didn’t just bury his son. Like she didn’t spend the last weeks of Mike’s life slapping him across the face and stomping his heart.

“Get out,” Dodds spits. He doesn’t think. He doesn’t hesitate a second. He’s not even all the way in his office yet when he starts firing at her like he’s a belt-fed automatic weapon. 

She turns around and looks stunned. “I-“

“Get out. Get your things and get out. I never want to see your face again. I can’t fire you, although you better believe that’s what I’d do if I could. But you’re out of here as of now and you’re on administrative leave until I can find a place to stuff you.”

“Sir-“

“Who the fuck do you think you are? I’ll tell you who. You’re no one! You’re nothing! You’re a fucking ice queen, a conceited bitch who was never anywhere near good enough for my son, yet you thought you had the right to - Why are you just standing there? Get your lousy ass out of my office!”

“Sir, I-“

“Get OUT!” Dodds screams, and gets another little zing of terrible satisfaction at the fear on her face. An evil, bloody part of him enjoys the way she scurries out of his office like a kicked dog. He’s crying again, but it’s only a few hot, furious tears that are quickly dried. Until this moment, he hadn’t realized just how deeply he abhors that woman. He makes a note to ensure she gets transferred to the worst posting he can find. One where her career will wither on the vine and she’ll never be heard from again, the cold-hearted cunt. 

************

Six Months Later:

Kaitlyn’s standing behind her supervisor, watching her demonstrate yet another bloated, redundant process she insists Kaitlyn follow. It seems like she senses Chief Dodds just before he enters the huge room, his meticulously-coiffed head visible above the walls of a field of cubicles. She tries to hide. She bends her head down and leans in, quickly thinking of questions to ask that will let her stay concealed behind the walls of her supervisor’s cube until he’s gone.

Except that he’s there for her. She hasn’t seen or spoken to him since the day he fired her – technically, it was a transfer, but they both know what it was – and when she learns he’s there for her, she’s terrified. She’s still raw and bleeding from the things he said to her that day. Mostly that’s because she was already saying those things to herself and she hasn’t stopped since. It’s been a rough six months since Mike died.

What’s weird is that, when they get into the conference room he’s commandeered, there are tears in his eyes as he kindly asks her to sit down. It’s a very small conference room, with a little round table and four chairs, and no room for anything else. Kaitlyn starts to shake. She has absolutely no idea what’s coming, but she knows in her bones she’s about to get knocked down again. She sighs. She deserves it. She actually hopes it gives the Chief a little bit of comfort. She’s always cared about him, and she’s never held what he did against him. She’d have done the same thing. Maybe she wouldn’t have come back half a year later to kick her some more, but whatever he needs. She’s not going to fight it. It’s no more than she deserves.

“Kaitlyn, I – would you like some coffee? Let’s have some coffee. That might make this easier.” The Chief opens the door to the conference room and stops the first person he sees. He tells them to bring two cups of coffee as though they’re all there to cater to him, with no more pressing work. Kaitlin feels a little glow, like long-banked coals being blown into life. He hasn’t changed. 

He takes a few awkward steps around, like he’s got a ton of impounded energy and it’s hard for him to be still. He does a weird head-shake, then reaches out and takes the back of a chair to pull it out. He sits, and he looks directly into Kaitlyn’s face. She tries to face him as bravely as she can.

“How have you been?” His tone is kind again, like he hopes she’s been enjoying the Siberia to which he sentenced her.

“Fine, Sir. Thank you for asking. How are you?”

He laughs a little and shakes his head. “No, Kait. I’m really asking. Have you been OK here? It hasn’t been so bad?”

“It’s fine, Sir. What we do is important. Somebody has to be able to find these files when they’re needed for an appeal. We’re keeping criminals behind bars, where they belong.” She straightens her shoulders and sits up a little. She hates it here, and she knows he knows that. It’s why he sent her here. But she’s still going to do the best job she can, and she still cares enough about his opinion of her that she wants him to know that.

“Yeah,” he says, almost to himself. “I deserved that.”

“Sir?”

The woman he stopped knocks softly with her elbow on the glass of the conference room door. The Chief gets up and lets her in. She sets the cups of black coffee down on the table and leaves as quickly as she can. Chief Dodds and Kaitlyn both take a sip of the semi-hot coffee. 

“That’s terrible,” he says, actually smiling at her. “Just the way I like it.”

Huh. _That’s_ confusing. He’s making a little joke they used to make to each other about the ubiquitous, consistently awful coffee in the NYPD. 

He must see her confusion, because he sets down his cup and leans in. “Kaitlyn, I have a lot to say to you. But it all has to start with an apology. I was lost when Mike died. I felt like there was nothing good or meaningful in the world. And I was _so damn angry_. Angry at Munson, angry at fate, or God, or whatever. Even angry at Mike for trying to be a hero, as if that wasn’t just who he was. Who I raised him to be. And I took that out on you. I’m sorry, Kaitlyn. I lashed out at you because you were _there_. You were convenient. I fucked up, and I hurt you because I was hurting so bad myself. And I am very, very sorry.”

Kaitlyn sits, stunned, feeling the warmth as she cradles the paper coffee cup and just looks at the Chief. Her mind is an absolute blank. “You lost your son, Sir. You’re entitled.”

He smiles at that and looks down at the table. “Do you know, I actually predicted that you would say that? You probably even believe it, which I don’t deserve.”

“Let’s not talk about ‘deserve’, Sir. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want what I deserve.” All of Kaitlyn’s bitter guilt comes out in those words. Dodds’s head snaps up.

“No, Kaitlyn.”

“Sir?”

“That’s why I’m here. To right a wrong. I said… Well, we both remember what I said. But I was wrong, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. And I sent you here, to the ass end of the Department, and that was wrong. Because you didn’t _deserve_ it.” He gives her a meaningful look as he emphasizes the word, and holds up a hand when she starts to protest. “Don’t argue with me. I know what was going on with you and Mike. He told me. And I understand. Even if I didn’t know your father, which I do, I’d still say you didn’t deserve what I did. Who am I to tell you not to protect yourself? Anyway, that’s all water under the bridge. I’m here to get you out of here.”

Kaitlyn’s mind again blanks. She treats the Chief to a look of almost comical confusion.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve paid for my stupidity. The office is a wreck. Well, that’s not quite accurate. I’ve got a hell of a good staff, and they’re keeping it going. It’s me. I’m the wreck. I can’t function without you. I need you back. And what’s more, I want you back. It’s done, all I have to do is say the word, but… I’m not going to order you back. In fact, I’m offering to do whatever I can to get you placed wherever you want to go. I mean it when I say I’m sorry, and I’ll make it up to you as best I can. But I’m really, really hoping you’ll forgive the stupid mistakes of a grief-stricken old man and come back to my office. Please.”

Kaitlyn is actually a little concerned that she might have become paralyzed somehow. She’s entirely unable to move or speak. The problem is that her ability to think has returned with a vengeance. Now she’s thinking so many things, so fast, that she can’t catch any of her thoughts for long enough to try to follow one from beginning to end. Her expression changes like a kaleidoscope as she wrestles to focus. 

“You need time. I should’ve expected that. You can have it. Of course. I’ll give you as long as you need. You just-“

“Yes.”

“-call me when you’ve made…” It takes a second for what she’s said to register. “Yes?”

“Yes. If you mean it. Yes.”

“I do. I mean it. I’ll take you with me today. Now. Just get your things-“

“You can’t just tear me out of my chair, Sir. I’m in the middle of some things. Sergeant Cox would be really inconvenienced.”

“And you care about that?”

“Not in the least,” Kaitlyn hears herself say, a tiny grin beginning to twist her lips as she begins to dare to believe the Chief. “But I care about the rest of the team. Can you give me until the end of the week?”

“Of course. Of course. And if you want to take some time off in between, that’s-“

“No, Sir. I don’t want to give you time to change your mind.”

He smiles at that. “I’m not going to change my mind, Kait. I meant every word I said. And, by the way, you’re getting a raise. ‘Words are cheap, show me the money,’ right? Heard you say that a million times. So I am.”

He stands as he says that, so she hesitantly follows. She isn’t prepared for him to bear-hug her, and doesn’t plan to burst into tears, but that’s what happens. When he speaks, she realizes he’s crying, too.

“Kait, I’m so sorry. I screwed up. But I’ll make it up to you. I swear.”

“You didn’t screw up. You did what you had to do at the time. Just, please, be serious about this.”

“I would never play you like that, Kait. I’m completely serious. First thing Monday, you’ll be back in the office and then everything will be all right again.”

Not everything, Kaitlyn thinks, but as long as she really gets to go back where she belongs, at least things will be better. 

“Will you do me one tiny favor?” Kaitlyn dares to ask.

“Anything. Name it.”

“Can I be the one to tell Sergeant Cox?” 

“I don’t think I like that evil gleam in your eye, Kaitlyn.” Chief Dodds gives an actual belly laugh, and Kaitlyn’s whole world gets brighter in that moment.

“Neither will Sergeant Cox. It’s been a long six months.”

“God help her. Go ahead.”

****************

**Five Months Later:**

Things still aren’t quite right in the Chief’s office. Kaitlyn thinks her replacement might have been a reflection of the Chief’s grief, because for the life of her she can’t see why he’d thought the guy was qualified. That might be sour grapes, of course, because the guy completely reorganized the computer filing system and Kaitlyn spent her first months back in the office fixing his “improvements” so that they can find things again. Kaitlyn secretly has little sympathy for the other members of the Chief’s staff, since they’d _let_ the guy do it. But she keeps that to herself. 

She’s happy. She always loved this job, but now she knows how lucky she really is. And things have changed subtly between her and the Chief. He’s finally stopped apologizing to her every five minutes and going out of his way to do things for her; they’re back to their comfortable rhythm and _she’s_ back to doing things for _him_ , which is her actual job, after all. But now that they’re back to normal, it’s clear that they have a deep, real relationship that goes beyond their work relationship. It’s nice. It feels more like father and daughter than employer and employee. _And why wouldn’t it? He’s lost the only child he got to raise. He’s got love to give, and no one to give it to now that Mike’s dead._ That thought makes Kaitlyn sad for Chief Dodds. She’s stopped trying to deny how sad she is for herself. Still.

She hasn’t even looked at another man since Mike died. He wasn’t even hers, she’d made sure of that, but she knows now what she missed. She also knows what a complete, unmitigated idiot she was. Susan Eisenberg’s been all over the tabloids with the lead singer of a rock band. Or ex-lead singer, because she’s managed to alienate the band members from him, and the news is all about how the band broke up because of her possessiveness. Kaitlyn hopes Mike can look down from Heaven and have a nice, smug “I told you so”. 

The thing is, she keeps comparing every guy she meets to Mike. She’s well aware that she’s probably making him perfect in her memory, remembering him as much taller, sexier, better-looking and more fun than he really was. But she can’t help it. Maybe because she works with his father every day, Kaitlyn’s having a hard time getting over Mike. If she’s honest, she’s having a hard time _wanting_ to get over Mike. 

It’s late on a Tuesday afternoon when the Chief appears in Kaitlyn’s office doorway. She’s never seen the look he has on his face, and she’s instantly concerned about him. When he speaks, though, he’s trying to keep from smiling. And he’s failing. He reminds Kaitlyn of a man who’s just learned he’s about to be a father.

“Listen, I’d like you to knock off early, if you would. There’s something I need you to do for me, and I need you to come over to the apartment.”

“Sure,” she agrees. That’s not such an unusual request, so it’s clearly not what’s making the Chief look so weird. “Now?”

“Now.”

“What am I gonna need?”

“Uh,” the Chief really does look strange, and at this moment he appears to be struggling to wrap his brain around the very routine question. “Your tablet, I guess. Nothing else.”

“You’re the boss.”

They engage in small talk as a driver takes them to Chief Dodds’s apartment. Kaitlyn loves it there. It’s huge by New York City standards, and the Chief has either excellent taste or a very talented decorator. As soon as they walk in, she’s enveloped by the quiet, and the sense of comfortable luxury. It’s maybe a little masculine for her, but it’s beautiful. She knows he has a little bit of family money, and she thinks some of it must have gone toward this place. She’d have done the same.

She’s surprised when he offers her a glass of wine. When she’d first come to work for the Chief, he had offered her drinks, but apologized for not being able to offer her anything alcoholic. He said it was skirting professionalism to work in his apartment anyway, and he made it a rule never to drink in that situation. She agreed completely. But here he was, offering her wine.

“Don’t we have a no-drinking rule?”

The Chief takes a deep breath and begins to uncork the bottle, despite what she’s just said. Vague alarm bells begin to sound. He’s not going to make a pass at her. She knows that for a fact. But something’s going on, and he thinks she needs to have a drink on board to deal with it. _Shit_.

“We do. But I have some news, and it’s… I hope you’ll trust me on this. I think you’ll need it.”

“OK, now you’re scaring me.”

“It’s actually good news. But it’s not gonna feel that way at first. It’s not gonna feel bad-“ he hastens to add as he sees her tense up, even from across the room. “It’s just gonna be a lot. And confusing, and you’ll probably be pissed, and…” He stops what he’s doing and looks hard at her. “Just trust me.”

“I think I need a drink already, just from the preamble. Just give me the news quickly. Please? I don’t like surprises. You know that.”

“I do. I absolutely do, and I’m sorry. This is gonna be a big one.”

“Chief. Stop. I’m in full-on freak out now. Just _tell_ me.”

He’s holding two very full glasses of red wine as he crosses the room. He hands her one and sits on a chair at an angle to the one she’s sitting in. 

“ _L’chaim_ ,” he says, unknowingly reminding her painfully of the day she’d met Mike and they’d shared that toast over glasses of Dalmore. 

“ _L’chaim_ ,”she echoes, and softly clinks his proffered glass. “Now tell me what the hell’s going on.”

“When that’s half gone,” he says, pointing to her drink. 

“Chief-“

“Just trust me.”

“Fuck.” She takes a healthy slug, which is an insult to the excellent Nebbiolo he’s given her. She very rarely drops F-bombs in front of the Chief, and she hopes it lets him know she’s hating every second of this. 

He talks a little bit about Mike then, which distracts her a little. They rarely talk about him. Even though they’ve forgiven each other, Mike is still a minefield of a subject between them. It’s a story about Mike as a small boy, and it’s adorable. The Chief’s smiling fondly. It’s nice to see him be able to talk about Mike without the haunted, tortured look he used to have. By the time he’s done with that story, and another about the time Mike worked in a bar in Hell’s Kitchen for a while after returning from the Army, they’re halfway through their glasses of wine. It’s time. Kaitlyn holds her glass up and wiggles it a little.

“Yeah. All right.” The Chief says, squaring his shoulders, then leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He’s not looking at Kaitlyn. He’s not even really looking at the floor where his eyes are aimed.

“Mike planned to transfer to the Joint Terrorism Task Force at some point. He wanted to be part of the fight to protect the country.”

“You told me that.”

“He didn’t get the chance to do that, exactly.”

“ _Exactly?_ Is your news something about Mike?”

Dodds doesn’t answer, just goes on with what he’s saying. “He didn’t get the chance to go to JTTF because Homeland Security came and got him first. They saw their chance and they took it.”

“When was this? You never told me about this.”

“I never told you because it was eleven months ago.”

Kaitlyn blinks and squints, shaking her head to convey that she doesn’t understand.

“Eleven months ago, Kaitlyn. When they told us he died.”

The bottom dropping out of Kaitlyn’s stomach is extremely unpleasant, but not as bad as the hot lightning that begins to burn at her skin. She feels what he's telling her before she thinks it. “When they _told us_ he died…”

“It wasn’t true. He was taken to Bethesda to finish recovering from his gunshot. There was no stroke. But they let us think there was. They let _me_ think there was. And his mother, and his brother…”

Ooh. Clearly, the Chief has some feelings about that. That’s going to be interesting to Kaitlyn when she can get her mind to quit flipping around like an old VHS tape with tracking problems. 

“Six months ago, some little douchebag from the State Department came to see me. He told me that my son was alive. He apologized for the pain they’d caused, and had the balls to thank me for my ‘sacrifice’, like I’d been given any fucking choice. He explained that everyone had to grieve normally. It was part of Mike’s ‘legend’, the cover story so no one would identify him. The little prick used enough damned spy buzzwords to choke a horse.”

“Holy… Chief…” Kaitlyn is now three-quarters of the way through her wine, and planning to ask for more.

“Yeah. The only good thing, the _only_ good thing about that meeting was that the little State Department fuck had some kind of secure phone with him, and I got to talk to Mike. Or rather, Mike talked. I cried.”

“Of course you did. Shit,” Kaitlyn whispers. 

For a minute, Chief Dodds doesn’t say anything. He watches Kaitlyn try to begin to process the information he’s just given her, and when she drinks the last of her wine, silently goes to the kitchen and refills their glasses. He hands hers, as full as before, to her with an open look on his face. Kaitlyn takes it and slumps against the back of her chair. She drinks for a few more silent moments.

“They let you believe your son was dead. For six months. They let you bury him. Mourn him. Our government did that to you. On purpose.”

“Yeah, but at least they thanked me for my sacrifice,” he spits bitterly. “Apparently, the feds aren’t really big on worrying about individuals. They’re more big picture kind of people. That’s another bit of wisdom I got from the State Department guy.”

“Fuck.”

“But you’re missing the point. Kaitlyn. Mike is alive.”

She looks into his eyes. She has absolutely no idea how to even begin to deal with any of this, except for one thing. The only thing that matters. “Where is he?”

“Here. Not in this apartment, but here in New York.”

“I want to see him.” Suddenly, that is _all_ Kaitlyn wants.

That makes the Chief smile. “He wants to see you.”

She actually sets her glass down on a side table and stands. “Let’s go.”

He laughs quietly. “Finish your drink. I learned that there are guidelines for how to do this. You need some time to ‘process’. Time to ‘adjust’. That’s a quote. There’s a fucking _manual_ for this shit, if you can believe that.”

“Sir, I want to see Mike. I want to see him now.”

“I’m glad to hear it. And you will. Just not tonight.”


	5. Reboot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike Dodds finally has a chance to see OC Kaitlyn Myers again after a year when he was undercover and she thought he was dead. It's different than either of them expected. And yet, it's like the last year never happened.

The next morning, Kaitlyn looks like hell. Not worse than William Dodds looked the day after _he’d_ discovered his son was alive, but nearly as bad. She’s wearing her usual crisp, professional suit, and she’s made an effort with her hair and makeup, but he suspects she scraped all her hair back into the unflattering, tight bun so she wouldn’t have to fuss with it, and no amount of makeup can hide the dark circles around her sunken eyes.

When she comes in for their usual morning stand-up meeting, he asks her to close the door.

“How are you doing this morning?” He asks, waving her to one of the chairs in front of his desk while he remains seated. His look and the tone of his voice are soft. Concerned.

Kaitlyn doesn’t answer right away, just sighs and sits heavily in the chair he indicated. Dodds just waits. 

“I think I was in shock last night. Because now that it’s starting to sink in, I feel…” She shakes her head with a grimace. “About a million different things.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

“A little. Unfortunately.”

“Sorry. I should’ve warned you about the dreams.”

Kaitlyn just nods. 

“I really hate whatever fucking no-name agency did this, and I especially hate that they seem to know what they’re talking about with that manual. It makes me sick to think that they have enough experience to know how to handle this shit.”

“Mike’s alive. I don’t understand why I’m so messed up about that!” Kaitlyn’s voice breaks. She’s really not doing very well. “It’s good news! Why am I not just happy?”

“I can tell you why, if you’re interested. I ended up having to take that little State Department weenie’s advice and see a shrink about this. I’ll give you his name, if you want.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. But the thing is, Chief, I don’t know if I’m ready to see Mike yet. Is that weird?” 

“Not even a little bit. It’s why they don’t let you see him right away. And if it makes you feel any better, that’s exactly how I felt. Coffee?”

“No, thanks. I’m not sure my stomach’s up to it right now.”

Dodds nods. “Listen, you should know that he’s having his own issues with being back. It’s not uncommon when you’ve been undercover, but this… this is a whole different ballgame. So I don’t think you should plan on seeing him right away. We just both wanted you to hear it from me before the news gets out. He’s still carrying a torch for you, you know.”

Kaitlyn actually grins a little at that. “You’re relentless.” 

He grins, too, and shrugs.

“Can I ask you something, Sir? You learned about this six months after they said he died, which is right about when you brought me back here. Was that why?” 

“Yes and no. I’d been thinking about it for a while, but I was ashamed. I thought you’d be seriously miffed, and refuse to work with me again. I honestly didn’t know how to fix what I’d done. But then, when I learned he was alive, I just told myself it was as good a reason as any to try to correct my mistake in sending you away. Even if you didn’t know why.”

“I’m glad you did. Thank you again.”

“Don’t thank me. It was purely selfish, and you know it.”

They share a quiet laugh, and William thinks Kaitlyn looks a little bit better than she did when she came in. “Anyway, Mike’s working with a counselor, and she’s calling the shots right now. It’ll be a few days, I think, before she lets him see anyone but me. In the meantime, you keep just doing what you’re doing. Work through it and talk to me. OK?”

“I will. But can you at least tell him I said hi?” The hopeful light in her eyes almost immediately turns to doubt. “Ugh, that seems so lame, nevermind. I can’t… Just forget it.”

“I’ll tell him. It’ll make him happy. He needs that right now. Like I said, he’s struggling.”

The next day, Chief Dodds comes into Kaitlyn’s office before it’s even time for their stand-up meeting. He’s grinning ear to ear, and he has a slip of paper in his hand, which he’s waving as if he’s getting away with something.

“What’s that?” Kaitlyn asks suspiciously.

“It’s contraband,” he answers, full of glee. “He doesn’t have permission to contact anyone yet, but he insisted, and he looked so happy about it that I agreed to smuggle this to you.”

“Oh, shit. Is that… from Mike?”

With a ridiculous smile, Dodds hands the slip of paper to Kaitlyn. It’s just a page from a small note pad, with a few words scrawled on it, but it feels precious. Kaitlyn vaguely recognizes Mike’s handwriting from the countless birthday and Father’s Day cards the Chief’s displayed on his desk over the years. She’s surprised to find that she’s shaking. She’s actually holding a note from Mike Dodds, written the night before. He’s really alive. 

_I guess ghosts are supposed to say boo, but this one just wants to say hi back._

_See you soon,_

_Mike_

_P.S. They didn’t give me a choice, but I’m sorry anyway._

Kaitlyn looks up from the note with a bright smile that’s at odds with the tears running down her cheeks. She stands up to hug Chief Dodds, who just looks smug.

************

Mike had actually come pretty close to learning what the U.S. penitentiary in Leavenworth looks like from the inside before he’d finally admitted that he wasn’t getting out of taking part in the operation the feds had abducted him for. His rage at learning what they’d done to him and everyone who cared about him had been insurmountable at first. It had actually hindered his healing for a while, until a guy with suits that made even his dad’s look cheap, whose rank Mike wasn’t allowed to know, had basically told him to sack up and deal with it. After that, Mike had decided he might as well get on with it, since he wasn’t getting out of it. 

He’s always been good at undercover work, and following orders has never been a problem for him, so once he accepted his fate, he’d been all right. He just tried to _be_ the guy they’d turned him into. He blocked out the thought of his parents – well, mostly his dad – believing he was dead and having to deal with all of that. He tried not to think about his friends, either, although he did have a couple of morbid laughs at the idea of just showing up at Carisi and Barba’s door someday and scaring the shit out of Sonny. 

And that’s kind of the problem. He hasn’t really been Mike Dodds for a year. He’s intensely glad to be home, it’s just that it’s a little hard to feel like he’s home because he’d never seen this apartment before two weeks ago, and nothing in it belongs to him. In fact, not much of _anything_ belongs to him because, of course, his family got rid of everything when he died. He doesn’t have a job, because he’s still sort of a secret until they finish putting together the plan to announce his resurrection, which is apparently a whole _thing_. He just wants this to be over, so he can be Mike Dodds again, whoever the fuck that is.

That’s why he’s been so grateful to get to hang out with his dad and talk about just normal shit like sports and what the SVU squad is doing, and memories from years ago that help him remember what’s real and what’s the lie he’s been living for the past year. It’s why he gets so excited when they let him sneak over to his dad’s apartment. It’s the only place that feels even remotely like home, although he’s never lived there. And it’s why he wasn’t about to take no for an answer when his dad said that Kaitlyn had asked him to say hello for her, and he got the idea to send her a note. 

When his dad tells him about her reaction to his note, Mike’s joy at the news is out of all proportion to the reality of the silly little exchange. He’s tired of being cooped up in this strange apartment, with no visitors except for his dad. He’s tired of not being able to work out or go running. He’s _really_ tired of being alone with his own thoughts. He knows that’s a big part of his eagerness to see Kaitlyn, but it’s not the whole story. Mike is certain that he was close to getting through to her before he was fucking _kidnapped_ (they really hated it when he kept calling it that). And he’s been pissed off for a whole year at being cock-blocked by the federal government. 

It’s a week before Mike is finally allowed to see Kaitlyn, and he’s started to think it will never happen. Everyone’s been told he’s alive, and they’re still in the time frame where they’re not allowed to see him, but Kaitlyn got the news early, so she’s ready. Or as ready as she’s going to get. He’s not at all sure what this is going to be like.

He’s had ten thousand fantasies about it. She’s naked in a lot of them, but he’s actually not expecting anything like that, and not just because his dad’s going to be here. The whole thing’s just so fucked up there’s no telling which way it’s gonna go. He’s imagined tears and hugging about as often as he’s imagined yelling and face-slapping.

Kaitlyn and his dad are coming over for dinner. He throws together some spaghetti sauce, adding some special touches he’s tried and found he likes. He’s not much of a cook, but he figures everybody likes spaghetti, and the meal isn’t really the point, anyway. 

In a way, he’s kind of glad he has very little in the way of clothes, because that means he doesn’t have the option of worrying about how he’s going to look when they finally see each other. He just takes a shower and puts on jeans and a grey T-shirt. And then he sits down to wait. For as long as he’s been looking forward to seeing her again, it seems like another few minutes should be nothing, but that’s not how it goes. The last half hour crawls.

*********

The Chief’s like a little kid, he’s so excited. He’s chattering and smiling and hurrying Kaitlyn along, and it’s really annoying. Because she’s beyond nervous. She’s sick with anxiety about what Mike will look like, and how she’ll feel, and what she’s supposed to say to a guy she treated like shit pretty much from the moment they met until the moment he died. Except that he didn’t die, and now she’s supposed to figure out the etiquette for _that_ fucked-up scenario.

Kaitlyn can’t decide whether she’s glad Chief Dodds is here or not. She’s a mess and she knows it, and hopefully he’ll be able to smooth things over if the wheels come completely off. But she and Mike have basically jumped each other immediately each time they’ve spent any time together, so… The whole thing is insane. She’s been dying for this moment for a week, and now that it’s here, all she wants is for it to be over. 

They park in a dinky little lot behind a square, brick apartment building and Kaitlyn’s shaking legs carry her up four flights of stairs before the Chief knocks on a green metal door in an overlit, echoing cinderblock hallway. 

And then, just like that, Mike’s standing right in front of her. His hair is longer, and he has a bit of facial scruff, both of which look ridiculously good on him. His eyes, though… he looks like maybe it’s been a long year for him, too. She’s imagined this moment incessantly since she learned he was alive, but she’s still surprised, because the one thing she didn’t expect is that he would still just be Mike. And that’s the part that hits her like a freight train. It’s like the last year never happened. He’s just Mike, and she’s just Kaitlyn, same as they were the last time they saw each other. 

She thought maybe they’d throw themselves into each other’s arms at this moment. Instead, they stand five feet apart and it’s awkward. But only for a moment. Because, suddenly, she realizes the ridiculousness of pretty much everything about what’s happened between them up to now, and she starts to laugh. Instantly, as if he’s been trying to hold it in and she’s just given him permission he never expected to get, he bursts out laughing, too. And _that’s_ when they hug. 

In the few weeks they knew each other before he died, Kaitlyn and Mike had been plenty close a few times. But they’d never just hugged. Kaitlyn decides she’s glad about that. She’s glad she didn’t know how overwhelmingly good it is to be hugged by this huge, warm guy who smells like soap and masculinity, especially when he’s still laughing a little bit and she can feel it, deep and low in his chest, against her. He’s big. She’s forgotten how just plain big Mike is. She’s standing on her tiptoes and she feels like he’s _surrounding_ her. She thinks hugging this man might just become her new obsession.

Kaitlyn can’t think of any words to say, and apparently Mike can’t, either. Maybe there just aren’t any, or maybe there’s no reason to say anything. So they just hug and laugh a little and Kaitlyn turns her head into Mike’s neck and just breathes him in, dimly aware of the lovely fact that he’s got his face buried in her hair. It goes on so long that Chief Dodds is in the kitchen putting a pot of water on for the noodles by the time they relax their hold on one another. They stand together, her hands on his shoulders and his on her waist, just looking at each other.

“You OK?” Mike asks tenderly.

Kaitlyn huffs a little laugh. It takes her a moment, shaking her head and making a face, before she says, “I don’t know what I am. I just know how happy I am to see you.”

“You, too. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” She sighs. “And I need to tell you I’m sorry. About the way I treated you. The things I said. I screwed up, Mike. And I don’t just mean because Susan’s all over the internet enslaving poor what’s-his-name. I knew it before that. I’m sorry.”

“You’re seriously apologizing to me right now? When I made you go to my _funeral_?” 

“You didn’t do that. You didn’t have any more choice than the rest of us.” Suddenly, she’s holding him again, and he’s holding her back just as tightly.

When they finally relax and step apart a little, Mike asks if she’s hungry, tilting his head a little toward the tiny kitchen where Mike’s dad is trying his best to be invisible. It’s only then that Kaitlyn realizes there’s a wonderful smell of cooking in the air. 

“Spaghetti,” Mike says proudly. 

“It’s the only thing he knows how to make,” the Chief says laughingly, unable to stop himself.

“Spaghetti sounds good.” Kaitlyn beams up at Mike. “And it smells wonderful.”

Mike starts toward the kitchen and Kaitlyn sees that Chief Dodds has a dishtowel around his waist for an apron and his shirtsleeves rolled up. It’s kind of adorable, and she appreciates how discreet he’s been, letting her and Mike greet each other however they needed to. She stands watching as Mike opens a bottle of wine and the Chief puts together garlic bread. For a moment, she just watches Mike – the play of muscles beneath his T-shirt, the way his hair falls over his eyes just a little – and realizes that she hadn’t been romanticizing his memory. He really is that good looking. She realizes something else, too. She wants him bad, but raging desire aside, she likes him much, much more than she ever knew. 

Mike’s poured three glasses of wine, but the Chief shoos him out of the kitchen and tells him to go get re-acquainted with Kaitlyn while he finishes dinner. Mike doesn’t argue. He takes two of the glasses and settles on the couch with her, then holds up his glass.

“What are we drinking to?”

“Hmmmmm. Well, _L’chaim_ seems appropriate, but maybe resurrection might be closer to the mark,” Kaitlyn grins.

Mike looks skeptical. “Uhhhh, I only know of one guy who did that, and I’m sure the hell not Him. Let’s stick with _L’chaim_.” 

His words are light, but his expression and his tone tell Kaitlyn that, whatever demons he’s been wrestling with, the match isn’t over yet. She decides it’s way too early in their reunion to get into that unless he wants to, and he doesn’t seem to want to. So she changes the subject.

“How much are you allowed to tell me about where you’ve been?”

“Nothing,” he frowns. “Can’t tell you where I was, or what I was doing, and I don’t even really _know_ exactly who I was working for, although I know they were the good guys. All I can tell you is, I’m proud of what I was doing. What we got done.”

Kaitlyn smiles at Mike. “I know Rangers don’t say ‘Hooah’, but it seems appropriate. There’s no doubt in my mind you were doing something great.”

_He’s so damn adorable when he blushes and looks down like that_! Kaitlyn asks what the Chief has told him about how things have been in New York while he’s been gone. She finds some amusing stories about things his dad has done and said that he hasn’t yet heard, and she tells Mike how kind Sonny Carisi had been to her at his funeral. It’s skirting a tough subject that’s best left alone for a while, but it is a nice story, and he seems pleased to hear it. 

“That sounds like Carisi,” he says, smiling quietly. “He’s a good guy. I’m lookin’ forward to seeing him.”

“He called me, you know,” Kaitlyn tells him. “The day the squad was told you’re alive. He called to see if I was all right, and we spent half an hour basically saying nothing but ‘holy shit’.”

“He would. He sound like he’s handling it OK?”

“Oh, yeah. He was ecstatic. Apparently, Barba practically had to breathe into a paper bag, and I think being there for Rafael kind of forced Sonny to just focus on the positive.”

“He’d do that anyway. He’s never down for long.”

Mike reaches over and takes Kaitlyn’s hand. “You look good,” he says softly.

“You do, too.” Before giving it a thought, Kaitlyn reaches over and cups a hand over his cheek, rubbing it back and forth on his scruff. “This works for you.”

Mike laughs. “It’s actually not a fashion statement. I just couldn’t be bothered when they won’t let me go anywhere.” 

“Now, that’s just rude,” the Chief says, surprising them. Kaitlyn’s been so focused on Mike that she had completely forgotten he was there, even though he’s been bustling around the kitchen and he set the table on the other side of the room they were sitting in. “You knew you were going to see Kaitlyn tonight. You could’ve shaved.”

Mike dips his head in acknowledgement. “I should have. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I told you, I like it.”

“Anyway,” Chief Dodds says, “Dinner’s ready.”

Mike and Kaitlyn get up from the couch and make their way over to the table. Mike is the first to notice.

“Dad, you only set two places.”

“I know. I’m not staying.”

“What?” Kaitlin exclaims. “Why not?”

“Because I was only here in case things were awkward. They’re not. And I was actually texting with Olivia Benson while the noodles cooked, and we’re going to meet at Maxwell’s for a drink. So you two are on your own.” 

He looks entirely too pleased with himself, but Kaitlyn can’t find any room in her heart to hold it against him. Mike doesn’t look at all unhappy, either. 

“You sure? I made tons of spaghetti,” he urges.

“Son, I’m thrilled to have you back, and Kaitlyn, you know I like you. But I’d rather have a drink with a beautiful woman than hang out here and be a third wheel with you kids.”

Kaitlyn notices that he’s removed the dishtowel from his waist and rolled down his sleeves. She smiles happily as she hugs him. “Thank you, Sir. For being here. It helped me be less nervous.” 

Mike hugs him, too, and sees him to the door. “Have a good time,” he says to his father, a teasing lilt in his voice.

“You too, Son,” the Chief answers, and he’s not teasing at all.

Mike and Kaitlyn sit down together at the table. It’s far more comfortable than Kaitlyn would ever have hoped in her anxiety-ridden daydreams about this dinner. The excellent wine the Chief brought and the surprisingly good food help. 

“Mmmm. If you only know how to cook one thing, I’m glad it’s this good.”

“I can cook other things, that was just Dad giving me shit.”

“Really? What’s your specialty?”

“Well, OK, my specialty happens to be spaghetti. But I also make a mean baloney sandwich. And no one makes better mac & cheese from a box.”

“Ooh. So if this whole cop thing doesn’t work out…”

“Right. I’m opening a restaurant.”

The rest of the meal is fun and easy. They talk the whole time, learning about each other and laughing more than not. 

“You know what I just realized?” Kaitlyn wears a complex smile.

“What?”

“This is the most you and I have ever talked to each other. Before, we didn’t… do much talking.”

She doesn’t know how Mike manages it, but his smile is both a little shy and a little suggestive. “I guess that’s right. C’mon. We can talk while we do the dishes. I’m afraid this palace doesn’t feature a dishwasher.”

While they clear the table and wash the dishes, they talk about Mike’s plans to return to SVU and to choose his own apartment. He has no idea who picked this place, but he doesn’t like it much. That conversation leads to more somber topics, so that by the time they’re once again sitting together on the couch, sipping the last of the wine, Mike is sharing some of the things he’s currently dealing with. Kaitlyn listens sympathetically, although she has no experience from which to draw any wisdom. 

“I wish I knew something comforting to say. I guess once you’re back to work, and you have your friends around you again, less time to just sit around and _think_ …”

“Yeah. I know you’re right. It’s nice just being here with you. I mean, my dad’s great and all, but he’s only one person. And he’s nowhere near as cute as you are.”

Kaitlyn is sure she’s blushing. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. Anything.”

“Do you… I mean, I know I messed everything up before. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to just forget it ever happened. But if not, if you maybe wanted to… Would you want to maybe go out with me sometime?” 

She can see he has to stifle a laugh at that. “You sure you wanna be seen with a dead guy?”

“Well, if you start to, like, decompose, we’ll have to re-negotiate. But you look pretty good right now.”

“So do you.”

The look he gives her turns her insides to hot mush. Kaitlyn has no idea she’s leaning over to kiss Mike until he meets her halfway and she finds her lips pressed to his. But it’s a different kiss than they’ve ever shared before. Slower, quieter, a destination in itself. He doesn’t move closer to her, but remains sitting next to her, at a bit of an angle, with only their knees touching. 

“Yeah,” he breathes. “I’d like to go out with you. I’d love the chance to do it right.”

“Yeah. No dying this time.” Kaitlyn enjoys their laughter at that, but she kind of regrets killing the romantic mood that was building. 

Mike sighs and lays his head back. “Shit, Kaitlyn, this whole thing’s been such a mind fuck. I feel really adrift right now. Like I’m half him still, and half me. I know that sounds really stupid.”

“No. You’ve been him for almost a year. You had no contact with anyone who knows Mike. It makes perfect sense.”

“It feels like shit.”

“What can I do? How can I help?”

Mike takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I don’t know.” He lifts his head and looks at her. “Hold me, maybe?”

Kaitlyn’s closed the space between them and scooted her arms around him before he takes his next breath. “Like this?”

Mike doesn’t answer, just sighs with what sounds like relief, and wraps her up, softly but securely squeezing her to him. 

“Did I ever tell you how good you smell?” Kaitlyn asks.

“Uh-uh.” She feels him chuckle a little.

“Well, you do. _Really_ good. I could hold you like this all day.”

For the next two hours, they’re together on Mike’s couch, talking quietly, bodies pressed together and arms entwined. They smooch a few times, and Mike feels so good Kaitlyn really wants to start something, but she doesn’t. She’s sure she could get Mike to cooperate, but it doesn’t seem like that’s what he needs from her right now. He asked her to hold him, and that’s what she’s doing. If he makes a move, she’s all over it, but just being close and learning about each other is really, really good, too.

Over time, they’ve migrated so that Mike is half-lying, with his legs hanging off the couch. He’s holding Kaitlyn on his chest, her legs curled on the cushion behind his thighs. She’s full, and warm, and comfortable, which means she yawns. She feels him lift his head and look at her.

“You tired? Or bored?”

Kaitlyn lifts her head, too, and meets his eyes. “Definitely not bored. I just worked all day, is all. My boss is kind of a tyrant.”

“Sounds like a bastard,” he grins.

“He’s all right. Gets me dates sometimes. So there’s that.”

Mike smooths his hand over Kaitlyn’s hair, which she’s worn down because she thinks that’s how he likes it. He sighs deeply. “I don’t want to let you go home.”

She drops her chin to his chest. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Then don’t. Stay here, with me. I’m not making a pass, I promise. I just want you here.”

“I’d be OK with you making a pass, Mike. But what I really want is just to be where you are. I really missed you.”

Kaitlyn gives Mike a long kiss. 

*************

Mike likes lingerie. He likes it a lot, actually. But Kaitlyn in his Jets jersey is sexier than anything he’s ever seen in a Victoria’s Secret catalog. And the best part is, she seems to understand that he just wants to snuggle together. It’s been forever since he hasn’t slept alone – in fact, for a whole lot of reasons, Kaitlyn’s the last woman he slept with – and right now, what he needs more than anything is the pure, simple warmth and security of feeling her breathing next to him. She’s soft in all the right places, and he definitely wants to slide his hands inside the jersey, but he doesn’t. Based on the way she keeps starting to slide her hands over his chest, and then stopping herself, he thinks maybe he should have worn a shirt with the soft shorts he’s wearing, because she might be feeling the same. 

Mostly, he thinks she’s as happy as he is to be cuddled together in each other’s arms, and it’s not long before he falls into the quietest, deepest sleep he’s had since the day he was shot.

The morning is a different story. They wake up with their limbs as tightly wrapped around each other as ever. Mike finds that his hands, of their own accord, have found their way inside the jersey Kaitlyn’s wearing. She doesn’t seem to mind, given that her back’s pressed up against his chest, and she’s moving with him as he grinds against her backside. _Oops_. He stops rubbing his half-hard cock against her just long enough to kiss the back of her neck where it’s right in front of his lips. When she shivers and gives a soft moan, he starts again and moves his hands the rest of the way onto her breasts.

Kaitlyn slides a hand up Mike’s thigh to his buttock and turns her head enough that she can kiss him, although it’s an awkward angle. Pretty soon, though, he’s fully hard and she turns around in his arms. Their kisses this morning are much more intimate and intrusive than the night before. If she’d kissed him like this then, they definitely wouldn’t be wearing clothes now. Which, he thinks, is something he really wants to change. He reaches for the hem of her jersey and gets a jolt of electricity when she lifts her arms to help him take it off her. Then he removes her panties and his shorts, and she moves to press the length of their bodies together as they kiss.

It’s different this time. They’re moving more slowly, and taking time to make sure they’re making each other feel good, touching and stroking. Mike pulls Kaitlyn on top of him and she moves against him, rubbing his body with hers, making sure to slide along his cock as she does, until he puts a hand on each hip and purposely positions her where he wants her.

She’s happy to give him what he wants, and she’s deliciously hot and wet, although he notices that she takes her time, working him in inch by inch, sliding up and down his shaft and taking a little more of him each time until he’s buried in her. It’s the slowest they’ve ever fucked, and it goes on for a very long time. After an eternity of her moving over him, he rolls them over and thrusts into her for a while, and they’re sitting up with her straddling his lap by the time they finally get serious about making each other come. When they do, they’re looking at each other, with what are probably unconscionably gooey smiles, but it’s entirely right in the moment. 

Kaitlyn’s almost half asleep again, paying little attention to the way Mike’s moving because she assumes he’s just stretching, until she hears him speak.

“Hey, Dad, it’s me.” There’s a silence. “Good. Great. But I’m afraid Kaitlyn’s not going to make it in to work today. Some kinda flu or something.” 

Kaitlyn’s eyes are open now. 

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll be fine. Probably a twenty-four hour thing. Maybe forty-eight. I’ll let you know.” There’s another silence, after which Mike laughs a little. “OK. Thanks, Dad. See you.”

Mike touches the screen of his phone with his thumb and tosses it onto his bedside table. He turns to look at Kaitlyn lying in the crook of his arm looking at him with an amused frown. 

“He says you’re fired, and he’ll see you Thursday.”

Kaitlyn thought she was worn out for the moment, but as soon as Mike starts kissing her and touching her again, she catches a second wind.


	6. Cleaning Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a while for Mike Dodds to clean up the mess his not-really-death has caused. Luckily, his girlfriend, OC Kaitlyn Myers, is a lawyer. Luckily, she's also understanding, because he's still having a tough time getting back to his life.

They don’t ask for permission. Kaitlyn wants fresh clothes and Mike wants fresh scenery, so they just leave his place and go to her apartment. If someone’s watching and wants to complain, let them. He wears a watch cap and sunglasses, just as a nod to behaving, but he grumbles even about that. 

“Friggin’ eight-and-a-half million people livin’ in this city, they think anyone’s gonna notice me. It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re so damn cute when you’re grouchy,” Kaitlyn murmurs, snuggling closer to him in the back of their cab. 

Mike smiles despite himself. He almost falls into the familiar groove of his irritation with his situation, but it’s hard when he’s just been gloriously boned and there’s a beautiful woman smiling up at him. “Just wait ‘til the government kidnaps you, we’ll see how cute you are” he mutters.

Mike smirks a little as they enter Kaitlyn’s apartment. 

“What?” She asks. 

He indicates one wall of the hallway just inside her door. “Just have some fond memories of that wall, that’s all.”

Kaitlyn rolls her eyes and tries to act annoyed, but it’s hard to hide her grin. “Stop it. You’ll embarrass me.”

“I doubt that very much,” he says, and pulls her to him. “We could do it again,” he whispers into her ear.

“We could. But there was some discussion of pancakes.”

“Couldn’t we have both?”

“Mmmmm,” Kaitlyn hums as he begins kissing down her neck. “We absolutely could. Which one do you want first?”

“Pancakes. I’m going to need my strength if I’m gonna hold you up.”

Mike finds that being at Kaitlyn’s apartment is just as comfortable as being at his dad’s. They’re both homes. Lived in. He’s been here before and recognizes things. Of course, the two times he’s been in Kaitlyn’s apartment before, he spent very little time looking around, but still. 

They spend a delightful, lazy day, just enjoying each other and doing very little except making love and talking. In the early evening, Kaitlyn’s phone rings when they’ve just woken up from a short doze and are debating getting up for a shower. To both of their surprise, it’s Sonny Carisi. 

“Hey, Sonny.”

“Hi, Kaitlyn, just callin’ to see if you got to see Mike last night like you planned.”

“I did – listen, Sonny, can you give me just a second? I need to check something.”

“Sure.”

Kaitlyn hits the mute icon and looks over at Mike. “I don’t… What do you need here? Should I call him back when you’re not here, or…”

“I’m good. I just wanna talk to him, is all. I guess just talk to him like normal. As if I wasn’t here.”

“I could put him on speaker, so you can hear him, at least…” She really doesn’t know what the right thing to do is here.

“Yeah… OK. I’d like that. We just won’t tell him.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Kaitlyn touches the speaker icon and says, “OK, Sonny, sorry about that. Yeah, I did get to see him. He looks great.” She smiles at Mike.

“How was it? I mean, seein’ him again? You guys handle it OK?”

“Better than OK. It was… wonderful. The Chief was there, just in case I freaked out or anything, but it was actually just nice. Easy. So he left pretty quick. Mike and I talked about you. He’s looking forward to seeing you.”

“This is such bullshit. I know Rafael was a little freaked out, but me, I’m fine! Even Rafael’s used to the idea now. Not as eager to see Dodds as I am, but he’s OK. I should be able to see him. It’s not like he’s a zombie or anything. He never _was_ really dead.”

Mike snickers at that, and Sonny hears him.

“What was… Was that him? Is he there with you?”

Kaitlyn looks at Mike, a little bit panicked. But Mike just smiles and indicates that she should tell Sonny he’s there.

“Yeah, Sonny. Sorry. He’s here. He, um… well, he misses you, too, so I put you on speaker so he could hear your voice. Sorry. Do you want me to take you off, or…?”

“Hell, no! Tell him to talk to me! I’m not gonna have a heart attack, promise!”

“Hi, Sonny,” Mike says, smiling even wider.

“Oh, shit! Dodds?”

“Yeah. And not a zombie, either, although you don’t need to worry about that. They eat brains.”

“Holy hell! You really are alive! I’d know that juvenile sense of humor anywhere! Shit, buddy, it’s so great to hear your voice!”

“Yours, too, believe me. Lookin’ forward to seein’ your ugly mug again.”

“Who’s ugly? I’m the one married to the hottest guy in Manhattan, and you’re… Hey, wait! Are you guys, like, _together_? You’re not naked right now, are you?”

Mike and Kaitlyn just laugh, because yes, they are. 

“Well, good. I’m glad I interrupted something. You deserve it, you fuck. I carried your damn casket. Thought I was gonna start bawlin’ right there in front of the Commissioner and every cop on the force.”

“I know, man. I’m sorry. Really.”

“Naw, I’m just… It sucked, thinkin’ you died. That’s all I meant.”

“Shit, you’re gonna have me bawlin’ in a minute,” Mike chuckles, but he’s clearly affected.

“Listen, if I’m mentally stable enough to talk to you on the phone, why can’t we meet and have a beer or something? Face to face?”

“I’m not supposed to even be talking to you, dude. I can’t go out in public yet. Two more days.”

Kaitlyn interrupts. “Could he come here?” She asks softly.

Mike gets a look on his face like a naughty schoolboy. He’s really enjoying breaking the rules, now that the whole thing is almost over and the feds are probably not going to throw his ass in Leavenworth for a few minor infractions at the end. 

“Carisi, Kaitlyn says you could come over here. That’d be OK, I think, if you’re sure you’re up for it.”

“Fuck, yeah!” Sonny cries. “Can I bring Rafael?”

“Of course,” Mike laughs. “But make sure he’s really ready. It’s fine if he needs to wait.”

“I’ll ask him, but I know what he’ll say. He’ll gripe at me for treatin’ him like some delicate flower.”

Mike laughs fondly. “You guys sound like an old married couple.”

“I’ll text you my address,” Kaitlyn says happily. “But you’ll need to bring alcohol. I think I have one Corona and the dregs of a bottle of vodka.”

“You got it,” Sonny squeals, and he sounds like an overexcited kid. “We’re leavin’ now!”

Mike and Kaitlyn laugh as they hang up. Kaitlyn texts Sonny her address and then joins Mike in the shower. 

Sonny and Mike hug for a long time. They’re both a little teary, and neither’s trying to hide it. 

“You have no idea, man,” Mike says quietly when they finally let go.

Sonny squeezes his shoulder. “I can imagine. It’s good to have you home. Missed the hell out of you.”

Rafael holds out a hand to shake, which is so Rafael that Mike has to laugh. Still, they can all see the emotion in Barba’s face as he shakes Mike’s hand heartily. “Welcome home,” he says.

“Let’s drink!” Sonny shouts merrily, taking the large, brown paper bag Rafael’s been holding. 

They all troop down the hall to Kaitlyn’s tiny kitchen, where Sonny pulls beer and a bottle of scotch from the bag and sets them on the counter. 

“Wow!” Mike exclaims when he sees the scotch. “Twelve-year-old Macallan!”

“Damn right,” Sonny crows. “We’re celebrating!”

As soon as they all have drinks, they head back to the living room and find comfortable seats. Sonny and Rafael are next to each other on the couch and Mike’s on a big, soft easy chair next to it. Kaitlyn feels a little like an interloper at first, but it’s fun to listen to them talk shop. It’s clear that Sonny and Mike have a deep respect for one another as well as a firm friendship, and it’s equally clear that Sonny and Rafael are insanely happy together. Besides, she’s feeling a warm joy that the excellent scotch only makes better.

After a while, Sonny and Mike start reminiscing about a case they investigated that didn’t result in any charges being filed, which means Rafael wasn’t involved. He turns to Kaitlyn then and asks her about law school. He’s just being polite at first, but soon they’re chatting away and telling horror stories and Kaitlyn realizes that her first impression of Rafael Barba was right. He’s someone she could really come to like. 

When they realize they’ve both finished their drinks, Kaitlyn asks if he’d like a refill, which causes him to hem and haw a little – he and Sonny have to work tomorrow – but in the end, he agrees. He takes Sonny’s glass from his hand without a word, and Sonny lets him with a fleeting, affectionate grin. The wordless communication between them is adorable. Kaitlyn, however, has to ask Mike what he wants. He asks for a beer. 

In the kitchen, Kaitlyn pops the caps off of two beers while Rafael pours another scotch for himself and Sonny. 

“You guys seem really happy,” she says, making conversation.

“I’ll be happier when he passes the bar and starts practicing law.”

“How long now?”

“He graduates in June, then there’s the bar.”

“And until then, he’s on the street getting shot at.” It’s a guess, but she can see immediately she’s right.

“Exactly.”

“Huh. You’re not making dating a cop seem very attractive.”

Rafael turns to Kaitlyn and leans against the counter, taking a sip of his drink.

“It’s not for the faint-hearted, you know.”

Kaitlyn frowns. “This is going to sound insane, given that Mike’s actually been killed in the line of duty once,” she makes a face to acknowledge that for the poor joke it is. “But I hadn’t really thought about that until right this minute.”

“Well, think about it. Because it’s real. You’ve never dated a cop before?”

“Believe it or not, with all the cops in my life, and working for the NYPD, I never have. No lawyers, either.”

“Who’s left?” Barba asks with a smirk.

“Honestly, I don’t date much. Never have. I did date a financial adviser once, and a plumber.”

“Those could come in handy.”

“Yeah. I liked the plumber, too. That lasted a while.”

“I dated a zookeeper once.”

“No way!”

“He ended up being a complete moron, but I got to pet an elephant. It was worth it.” 

Kaitlyn laughs and Rafael picks up Sonny’s drink. “Just be careful, Kaitlyn. Dating a cop is not like dating a normal guy. It can get tough.”

“I appreciate the heads up. Thanks.”

When they step back into the living room, Rafael hands Sonny his drink and sits back down next to him. Kaitlyn hands Mike his beer. She doesn’t go back to her chair. Instead, she sits down on the floor in front of his chair, between his shins, where she can be touching him. She hadn’t liked sitting all the way across the room from him, even though it’s a small room. _Uh-oh_ , she thinks. _I might be falling for this guy._

*********

Resuming a life after being declared dead comes with a host of unexpected complications, some nearly insurmountable. It ends up taking a month and the intervention of some fairly highly-placed officials in the Justice Department before the New York Department of Motor Vehicles finally admits that Mike is, in fact, alive, and reissues his drivers’ license. The pencil-pushers in Human Resources at the NYPD are similarly stubborn about accepting that Mike’s Social Security number is valid.

Kaitlyn has a grand time with that one. Whatever system they run Social Security numbers through tells them that the holder of that number is dead. Never mind that they’ve all seen the news and know he’s not; the computer says he’s dead, so dead he is. There are all kinds of new requirements for proof of employability after 9/11, and the NYPD’s HR Director keeps squawking about his responsibilities under the Patriot Act and not wanting Homeland Security on his ass. As it turns out, he ends up getting Homeland Security on his ass anyway, because Kaitlyn puts them there. 

At her suggestion, Mike contacts his former boss, who isn’t surprised to hear from him; there are always problems with re-entry. He connects Kaitlyn with a guy named Jack DeReuter, who is an agent from the New York office of some federal agency he declines to name. Kaitlyn is endlessly amused by the fact that Jack DeReuter looks exactly like Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the two bond, so he lets her be present when he meets with the HR Director. Kaitlyn later makes Mike cry with laughter by describing the meeting, during which Agent DeReuter goes full-on Fed and makes the HR Director whimper in fear and, finally, declare Mike Dodds once again fully employed by the NYPD. 

After that, beating the life insurance company into submission is a little bit of an anticlimax. Mike finds it hilarious that, since life insurance is an automatic benefit of employment with the NYPD, somewhere in the same company there’s someone issuing Mike a policy while someone else is insisting he’s dead and what does Kaitlyn mean, Mike needs to refund the death benefits? Once Kaitlyn gets a hold of the right person at the company, though, it’s easy. And as it turns out, Agent DeReuter has told her that, in these situations, the government doesn’t look to the family to repay the money. They just cut a check to the insurance company for the amount of the benefits paid, and everybody’s happy. 

So Mike’s dad gives him the life insurance money – it’s just been sitting in a bank account, anyway, because he couldn’t bear to touch it – which means Mike can make a serious down payment on a new apartment. He wastes no time finding a new place and getting out of the terrible apartment the feds put him in. In fact, he never spends another night there.

Which leaves work, and that’s easy, too. Chief Dodds makes sure Mike gets his place at SVU back, because that’s what Mike wants. And just like that, Mike Dodds is alive again. 

But it’s not that easy.

Three days after returning to SVU, Mike comes home late, exhausted and disgusted from getting nowhere after seven hours interrogating a guy he knows is guilty. It’s bugging him. Not only because the guy’s a filthy perv, but because he used to be better at this. He knows he was. Now, he’s lost an entire year and he feels like a rookie detective again. It’s infuriating and it brings back a lot of ugly feelings about what’s happened.

As he opens the door to his new apartment, he sees that all the lights are on and he hears enthusiastic but charmingly off-key singing. He smiles for the first time in several hours. Kaitlyn’s there – he gave her a key the day he closed on the place – standing on a ladder in cut-off jean shorts and a Rolling Stones T-shirt that are both absolutely slathered in paint. She’s painting the wall, too, he notices, but he’s more interested in the incredible amount of paint she’s managed to get on her clothes, on her skin, in her hair… 

He’d call to her, but it’s obvious she won’t hear him, because he can hear the faint, tinny sound of music coming from her earbuds, and she’s singing loudly. He can’t help it. He pulls out his phone and starts recording her. He’s not going to show the video to anyone – probably. He’s just going to tease her about it and maybe hold it for some kind of sexual ransom. 

He’s thinking about that, smiling and chuckling, when she finally looks down from what she’s doing and sees him.

“Oh, I _know_ you are not recording me right now, Mike Dodds. Because if you are…”

“If I am, what?” He asks, and doesn’t put down the phone or stop recording.

“I’ll think of something. You gotta sleep sometime,” she says in the most threatening tone she can manage while she’s grinning against her will.

“You’re covered in paint. You know that, right?”

She smiles and looks down at herself. “I know. I always get more everywhere else than on the walls. That’s why you’ll notice I draped the hell out of the floor.”

“Good thing I don’t own anything, huh?”

“I’d tarp it. Trust me, I know my weaknesses. And you’re becoming one of ‘em. So if you don’t want paint all over that nice suit, you better take it off.”

Mike gives Kaitlyn a warning look, but starts to pull his jacket off. “Don’t you dare. This is about half the work clothes I currently own.”

“You know I find you irresistible. So if you refuse to take your clothes off and they get ruined, it’s not my fault. It’s yours. You’ve been warned.” 

He laughs tiredly. “You about to knock off for the night? I’m beat.”

“Yeah. Just gotta clean up. Hey, are you OK? You really do look tired.”

She starts to deal with the leftover paint and used brushes and rollers while they talk.

“Rough day. Long. I’m used to that, but…”

“But…?”

“I just feel like I’ve been gone a long time. Interrogation used to be instinctive for me. Now, I’m trying to think of what to ask, what’ll get the guy to tell me what I need to know. I looked like a bozo in there today. I could tell Liv was concerned.”

“Did you ask her about it?”

“Of course not-“

“Then you don’t know. Could’ve been your imagination.”

“It wasn’t. Fuck! I had a whole year of my life stolen, and now I gotta re-learn everything. And I’m supposed to be a Sergeant, not some damn rookie. And the more I think about it, the more pissed I get. Again.” 

“You have every right to be pissed, Mike.”

“I don’t want to be pissed! I just want to get on with things. Forget all that shit happened. But everywhere I turn, there’s something to remind me. It’s gonna take me _months_ to get back to where I was at work…”

“But you will.”

“Well, what about you and me? We lost a whole year together! By now, who knows where we would’ve been?”

“We’re here now.”

Mike looks at Kaitlyn from under his eyebrows. “You’re not gonna let me feel shitty tonight, are you?”

Kaitlyn doesn’t say anything as she hammers the lid back onto the paint can. The look on her face tells Mike she‘s planning her next words carefully.

“I’m not trying to tell you how to feel. I’m sorry if it seems like that. I guess, if anything, I was trying to cheer you up. But maybe that’s not what you need? If you feel shitty, then I’ll just be here with you while you feel shitty.”

“I don’t know what I need.”

“Well, I know that _I_ need a shower. And I need an accomplice to help me get the paint out of my hair. You wanna feel shitty in the shower?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Sorry I’m not better company.”

“Baby, I’ve seen you naked. If you’ll be naked in the shower, you’ll be good company, no matter what kind of mood you’re in.”

Mike follows Kaitlyn into the hallway where the bedroom and bathroom are. She goes into the bathroom and starts the shower while he deals with his suit. 

Minutes later, he opens the door to the shower enclosure to see her standing, just luxuriating in water so hot it takes him a moment to get used to it. He spends that moment just admiring her long legs, paint splotches and all, and the way her breasts jut out as she arches back to let the water wash the paint out of her hair. He really is tired, and it really has been a rough day. But it’s hard to feel too badly about it right this minute.

Mike reaches out and pours a handful of shampoo into his hand. “Here, let me.”

He pulls her to him with one hand while he reaches the other to the top of her head and begins smoothing the shampoo over her hair. When she’s standing against him, arms around him, he uses both hands to work the shampoo through her long, dark hair while she hums, eyes closed. His strong fingers massage her head while he enjoys the feeling of her nakedness pressed against him, and discovers that it’s possible to wash a woman’s hair and kiss her at the same time, if you’re careful. 

Mike makes sure all the paint’s gone from her hair and scrubs every bit from her skin. Then it’s her turn. Kaitlyn can reach to wash Mike’s hair if she stands on her tiptoes, which means she has to lean against him to keep her balance, which neither one of them minds. She starts there. When his hair’s washed, she takes the bar of soap and lathers his neck, arms and chest, using long strokes and taking her time. Then she turns him around and washes his back. She works his muscles as she soaps him, giving him the best massage she can when they’re standing up in the shower. 

From there, she washes his lower half, spending perhaps a bit more time on his butt than is entirely necessary, but being very thorough as she lathers up the soap and smooths it over his legs. After that, she turns him around and starts at his waist, washing him very thoroughly from waist to toes, with a great deal of attention to rubbing lathery hands all over his cock and balls until he’s completely stiff.

That’s when she puts the soap away and goes to her knees. He groans as she takes him into her mouth, gently fondling his balls as she does. She uses her tongue, swirling it around his head and tonguing his slit before sliding her mouth down his shaft with a suction that has him gasping as he braces himself against the warm tile wall. He closes his eyes and loses all track of time, aware only of the sensation of her indecently talented mouth pleasuring his cock. He’s probably saying things about how good it feels. Probably moaning, too. But he’s not paying any attention to himself. Suddenly, he’s glad he’s tired, because it lets him enjoy the hot pressure of her lips and tongue for a long time before she starts flicking tiny butterfly caresses against his hole, and he loses it, erupting with a shout into her greedy mouth. 

He’s spent. He leans there on the wall while she stands and puts her arms around him, kissing his chest and muttering endearments. It’s many minutes before he has the energy to get out of the shower and dry off, and he’s half asleep already as they brush their teeth.

He hates what the past year did to his family, and his friends, and his life. But right this minute, lying on the bare floor in a pile of blankets and pillows because he hasn’t bought a bed yet, he’s about as satisfied as a man can be. He holds Kaitlyn’s warm, naked body against his, both arms around her and legs intertwined. 

Just as he falls asleep, he hears himself whisper, “I love you, Kaity.”

He’s pretty sure he hears her say she loves him, too.


End file.
